Last night I had a dream that I had long hair again, well, hair in general. Not only that, but I was 21 and everyone loved me. It was really fucking weird. Does my brain think that once I’m 21 and have long hair again everyone will love me? I’m a freak. That’s actually what I woke up and said out loud, “I’m a freak”. So, that’s how my day started. I know for a fact other people do NOT start their days off like that. That’s fine though, I’m kind of okay with my weird thoughts…Kind of.
Worrying is honestly one of the most unhealthy things you can do to yourself. Trust me I know, it’s what I spend a lot of my time doing. There are some things I could give two shits about, like matching socks, I really could care less about what my socks look like. But then there are things I really stress out about. For example, I stress about my nail beds. If they look shitty to me I am always just soo sure that everyone else is thinking the same thing. Reality is, nobody gives a rats ass about my nail beds. If my nails look fine, it’s my brows.
I’ll be at the grocery store & if anyone looks at me longer then normal I instantly think, “Oh my hell, they’re staring at my out of control borat-brows”. (Who does that…?) Oh, then you know I get in a huge hurry to leave so I can go pluck my imaginary unibrow. Nope, ain’t gon’ happpen… All of this chaos is going on in my head, so my ability to function as a normal human is suddenly nonexistent & I drop ALL of my groceries. Tomato sauce all over the floor, bruised apples, tampons right next to the bagger boys feet… You get the point. There I am, frantically grabbing all of these random things (mortified) thinking to myself, “Neat, reaaaal fucking neat Bailey.”
Point is worrying is SO ridiculous. Don’t do it to yourself. Please, let me save you the public humiliation and insane dreams. Lately I’ve been working on focusing on anything but the little things I’m insecure about. Self love… It’s an absolutely beautiful, powerful, phenomenal thing to have. To function without it is a true struggle (obviously). If you don’t believe in yourself it’s that much harder for anyone else to.
It’s frustrating when I know how vital something is but just can’t seem to grasp it. Everyday I just remind myself that this is part of my journey. Everyone else in the world has much more important things to worry about, the last thing they’re focusing on are my eyebrows and chipped nails. And you know, even if I did have a unibrow people should still be nice and like me. HA! I’d like you. Really though, I would. Anyway. The thing is, focusing on Self Love is a hell of a lot harder when you have to do things like dodge the bagger boy every time you need to buy a loaf of bread… Sorry for dropping tomato sauce and tampons on your kicks dude. Cheers to insanity.