Don’t let the bullshit of today let you look past the beauty of tomorrow… That’s what I keep telling myself this evening. My question is what ever happened to keep calm and carry on? Where is the happy medium? “I’ve made up my mind so kiss my ass” worked wonders for quite some time. I’m serious, it was fabulous. If I didn’t like something that was that. I didn’t spend time in the gray because I made damn sure that it was all laid out in black and white. But I made the choice to let that girl go a long time ago… That simply isn’t how the woman I want to become works. I want to be flexible, I want to be patient. There is this desire that I just can’t satisfy and it is to love while being lovable. The thing is it’s a vulnerable way of life when you love with no limits. So I’m trying to figure out why it has to be that way and how I can balance it all out. Making sense of it all is exhausting. So I guess I’m admitting to complete confusion regarding the work I need to do in order to become all that I want to be.
So on a lighter less intense note…. I’m considering a move (yup that’s lighter and less intense in my world). I have packed and unpacked my things 4 times since August. Okay other people have packed my things, I’ve unpacked them. There is a huge difference but that’s a whole other story. Needless to say it’s been really neat, I love not knowing where any of my things are and not having a solid home. Not saying I’m not fortunate because I am. I’m extremely blessed and have somehow landed with my beautiful Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Gregg for the time being. They are phenomenal, I don’t know where I’d be without them. No really I don’t. But I’m beginning to think that if I’m going to continue being a gypsy I might as well make it fun, right? I’m majoring in Communications and have been planning on transferring to the U once I get my associates. But I just remembered one thing – I don’t want to go to the U. In fact the only reason I would be excited about being a student at the University of Utah is the cheap football tickets. And even then, I wouldn’t be that stoked. So here I am lingering in the gray once again but this time it’s in my college career. Perfect. Long story not short, I’ve decided once I’m done at SLCC I just might pack my things and go out of state or maybe even the country. Wouldn’t that be amazing? I’m up for the journey and all it has to offer. I’m not quite sure where yet but that will come with time. I’ll be sure to update you on my whereabouts… But for now they are right here in this bed with Winston.
Have sweet, beautiful, delicious dreams my loves… Ciao, xoxox
Commander In Chic 
