So Crispy

All I want to do is cover myself in tanning lotion & crawl into a tanning bed for the rest of the month until it gets yummy outside. I haven’t gone in a year & it’s been really nice not indulging in a bed full of skin cancer rays, but I am really having a hard time sticking to my tan-free commitment. It’s one of those things I love but my body hates, kind of like smoking. I quit smoking about a month and a half ago because I realized it was not something the real Bailey would do. I’ve been an athlete all my life so why would I put harmful things into my body when I’ve worked so hard to maintain it? I’m not a big country music fan but my bad habit relates to the song by Joe Nichols, “She Only Smokes When She Drinks”

She only smokes when she drinks
She only drinks now and then
Now and then when she’s tired
Of bein’ let down by men
You can give her a light
But it’s not what you think
Everybody knows she only drinks alone
And she only smokes when she drinks

It was just like that for months but once I started working 2 jobs & going to school I allowed it to become more then an occasional thing. The first day I bought my own pack I knew I was in trouble but I felt I had more things to worry about then the occasional fag or two. That was a dumbass move on my part because the consequences of smoking, as we all know, are with you for the rest of your life. The day I made the decision to quit was when my Aunt Care told me Gregg had found a cigarette butt in the backyard. I wouldn’t ever smoke around the babes or him and I tried really hard to throw them away once I smoked them (I was never the kind of smoker that threw it on the ground after I was done with it). So when he found out I was smoking my heart dropped. I felt like I was not only letting myself down but my family as well.

I want to be a good example for the chitlins and going out to smoke twice a day was not helping me do that. So I quit cold turkey and turned to yoga & plenty of meditating. Tanning was the same for me, once I realized what I was doing to my body I was mortified. I quit and felt really good because not only was I taking care of myself but I wasn’t looking like a damn oompa loompa anymore either. I mean reaaaallly, who the hell is that tan in December? Be real. So my daily smokes and weekly tanning booth routine are now a part of my past but unfortunately I will always have days where I struggle to turn the other way and choose to be healthy and respect myself. I’m okay with that though, it teaches me how to be disciplined and stay true to my desire to have a healthy, natural, happy body inside and out. I guess my point is even if you only smoke when you drink and think you have it under control, you really don’t. So don’t try and fool yourself because you’re setting yourself up for a handful of issues for the long run. And you don’t look hot either, you smell like shit. Especially if you went tanning earlier… Nobody wants to snuggle up to someone who smells like burnt toast/skin, coconut tanning lotion gone bad, and cigs. Nobody.

I’m grateful I won’t look like this when I’m older. I mean holy…. shit.

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