War on Heartbreak

I found myself scribbling helpful tips all over what used to be my office, but is now his. I wanted him to have a space to create, a place to dream like I once had. I jotted down silly things like little secrets about the house that he may not know.. like how to get the bedroom window open just right so it didn’t get too cold. I left him one of two matching chairs we always planned to sit in, and the key on the table we got together.

I felt hot tears skip off my concealer I only use when I have a cold. The heat was pounding on every inch of my body — the sun had lost all empathy. I felt numb, and I began to worry that maybe, just maybe…. So had I.

Suddenly my girlfriend honked the horn and yelled “Bailey! Lets go!” It was louder than I remember it being. And I couldn’t even believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. Here I was again, packing up my wee car & leaving a dream I once dreamt.

I hopped in the car and said thank you to the best of my sniffling-ability to my girlfriend who had offered to drive home (& also ended up  helping me pack my belongings) We got gas and I didn’t dare take my glasses off when I paid for it.

As we drove away in the sunset I strapped the most fabulous headwrap I owned around my messy hair, smeared on my most sassy lipstick and kissed my window.  I had to at least try to be okay for the ride home. Kerry taught me that day that driving while crying can be dangerous — I was so thankful for her support.

When I got home I went straight to the shower. I stared at myself in the mirror — I looked like hell. My mascara ran a big deep black line from here to Arkansas bleeding from both eyes. I was scared. I was exhausted. And hungry, too, god damnit. But I could not be in denial any longer, it would only make things harder. I wiped the old makeup from my left eye and accepted the fact that I had officially announced war against heartbreak. And I didn’t have a clue what to do next.

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20 thoughts on “War on Heartbreak

  1. I’m currently waging the same war. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that heartbreak is a tough opponent but strong, beautiful women (like yourself) can always kick its ass.

      • Whoops. This was me. Thought I was logged in. But really, you’re gonna make it. I’ve known you for years and I’ve always believed in your ability to make it through.

  2. Had a hard time decided whether or not to like this post because it’s sad to hear that you’re heartbroken. I feel ya, hun. Long distance makes me feel the same sometimes. But you know what helps? Putting the past aside, looking forward to a brighter path and making yourself the most important thing in the world. And roller-coasters.

    Wishing you all the best, hun! Be strong and fight this war with grace and the strength you have in you!

    Love,
    Evie

    • You’re right, it’s time for me to move forward and be okay with how things worked out. Thank you so much lady, you’re always so helpful when it comes to brightening my day. xoxo

  3. Oh no, I’m so sorry hun :(
    Like your other readers above have said, you have such an incredible strength and it will kick this shit in the ass!
    xoxoxoxo

    • Thank you so much — I’m trying hard to believe that to be the truth! Being positive will help me move forward. Thank you for reaching out to me. I truly appreciate it.. xoxo

  4. Fell upon your blog, just wanted to say I love how open and real you are! I enjoy reading what you put out.

    Thanks

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