You Will Be Stronger

You had me second guess myself so many times that I’d be surprised to find a single doubt within if you asked me to look today. You led me astray more times than I chose to count. I fell flat on my face but I didn’t ever give up. My phone bill teetered towards overage charges for the first time since high school; I sobbed to my mum so many times our plan couldn’t keep up, yet somehow she always did. It’s been since I said farewell to my childhood that my lips have trembled like they did during this month. I crumbled in situations that I’d usually be holding down.

___

And sometimes, if the stars aligned just right, I’d be at the end of a gut-wrenching day doing my best to catch my breath & I would suddenly find myself in an opulent moment. After letting those sporadic moments of bliss amongst blur confuse me for a while, I started using them as fuel: I knew if I consistently fought until I couldn’t anymore I’d start to see results. Slowly but surely, things began making sense.

April, I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but our 30 days of trial & error together splashed color on my white walls & infused a deep appreciation within. Thank you for kicking me in the ass even though I was usually still trying to get up from the last time. And, thank you for teaching me how to be strong even when I am alone. I reached out to my incredible loved ones a lot, to say the least, but whenever a new situation arose I had to learn to adjust (still learning how)

_______________________

I guess I’ve decided that a firm reality check isn’t always the sweetest cup of tea, but it sure does make a pretty little promise — that this too shall pass, and when it does, you will be stronger. 

All my love until we meet again next year, xoxo, your little warrior

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” (Sonnet XCVIII) -William Shakespeare

Advertisements

Digging in deep

Today I made a big mistake by not paying enough attention to detail. This particular habit always seems to bite me in the butt… I guess some foibles are more difficult to rid than others. For finals we have five articles due, one every night this week. I misunderstood & I shouldn’t have — it is all laid out on our class page & my professor told us plenty of times.

My professor asks us on an individual level how our articles are coming along each week. He’s brilliant, and he cares, which makes him one of the best teachers I have ever had. When he asked how mine were coming along I told him I had three stories with sources & had to do the interviews this week. When he look more concerned than usual I knew I made a mistake.

I thought all 5 were due on Friday — and I was wrong. There is one article due every night this week. My face started to burn.

It slipped. I said fuck. In front of everyone in class. Now I’m the girl in Logan with a bad mouth who can’t get her articles finished on time, FABULOUS! That’s just fan-fuckin-tastic. Yes, sorry, I said it once so I said it again because I needed to let it out.

Those that don’t approve of that word are likely back to stalking their ex on Facebook. (Then again, those that are/would be judging me probably left a long time ago) ANYWAY…

I hurried and got online to do some research. I found a lead & started to write.

My professor approved it & I went straight to do an interview after a couple of phone calls.

When I got there nobody really knew what I was talking about — and the one person that they said ‘probably did’, had just left.

Oye… too little too late.

___________________________________________

Long story not short at all (are you seeing a trend here?…ya, me too), I ended up buying a new pot & some soil for a plant in-need waiting at home because it was convenient; My interview was at a garden shop that was, by the way, amaze-balls. My money-tree has been dying (no pun intended) to be re-potted for weeks. I’m a bad plant mommy. BUT I finally remembered to grab what I needed to give him a happy home.

I love crystals. I use them when I meditate and I studied doing chakra work with them last summer. But my passion for crystals began when I was younger, specifically with the amethyst in the far right of the photo. It’s late now & I need to get some rest, but I promise to tell you that story soon. It’s beautiful, and I learned a lesson I still live by today.

I mostly hope my baby tree loves his new home and that he is much happier now. I know it’s lame, but I believe if you give a plant the right kind of love it will love you right back. Dig deep often & give all living things a beautiful space to grow & your life might feel a little lighter.

Although I have let myself down at school this week, I am still glad I got busy with my plans instead of sulking. I’ve never understood why gardening is so theraputic until now… Sometimes when you’re feeling down, you should do just that: get on your knee’s, plunge those hard-working hands into the dirt and pull. Create. Plant. Give life by placing a tiny seed. I can’t promise anything, but I think you might feel better.


The Earth, Without Art, Is Just ‘Eh’

I believe in treating all creatures of the earth kindly and making sure our actions, as humans, are made with love and respect. Aka take care of our planet because it takes care of us! It is incredibly beautiful — lets try & keep it that way!

.

Some of my favorite quotes about our beautiful planet:

  • To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour. -William Blake
  • There is a pleasure in the pathless woods, There is a rapture on the lonely shore, There is society, where none intrudes, By the deep sea, and music in its roar: I love not man the less, but Nature more.  -George Gordon, Lord Byron’
  • Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet, and the winds long to play with your hair. -Kahlil Gibran
  • Only when the last tree has died, the last river been poisoned, and the last fish been caught will we realize we cannot eat money. -Cree Proverb
  • The creatures that inhabit this earth–be they human beings or animals–are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world.  ―Dalai Lama XIV

Here are some photos of our home & the creatures we share it with — there is also a cool video at the end. I hope these take your breath away like they do mine. And yes, I really did try & keep the number of photos to a minimum — I did a really good job, as you can see… As always ;)

Happy Earth Day!! Plant a tree, or at least say thank you to one ;)

Ali Carney, if you're reading this, this ones for you:) I will always think of you when I see jellyfish. You are just as outstanding, my sweets.

Looming

Glowing wild mushrooms

This tiny gem-like object is an actual living creature called a Blue Dragon Nudibranch, a kind of sea slug.

Irish Forest

Animals of the sea smooching animals of dry-land. Pretty cool... Imagine if humans treated one another with unified love such as this?

I always find such sites reassuring -- mother nature is still more powerful than we are!

Lake Louise, Alberta, Canada.

Exploring Different Shapes

I have decided to let today take whatever shape it desires. Lately I have been exhausting myself by spending energy on things I really can’t control. This photo, in it’s own little way, encouraged me to just let things be. For some reason I love how the bubble changes the way the mountain looks.

When life surprises us with ups & downs I feel it can make what we thought we understood  suddenly appear very confusing. I’m allowing myself some time to reevaluate the way I perceive things. Hopefully that will be the key to seeing mistakes as moments of growth & opportunities to accrue wisdom.

—————————————————————————————————

Todays quote helps me realize how incredibly blessed my life is. Despite all the oddly shaped outcomes I’m still so grateful. Cheers to a fresh new week.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; But remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” -Epicurus Greek philosopher (341 BC – 270 BC)

Never felt so beautiful

After the sun discontinued it’s lovely light supply through our windows I decided to take a step outside. I stood on my porch barefoot with a naked face & a baggy t-shirt on. At that moment I realized I couldn’t recall the last time I felt so beautiful; Yet I had nothing to do with the beauty I was experiencing. Logan sunsets will do that to you.

The power of a happy home

Before I moved to Logan I lived with my aunt Care (Carolyn) & Uncle Gregg. While I was there I learned more things then you could ever imagine. Some of those things were: how to dissemble a sippie cup (& clean it/put it back together. harder then you think guys), load a dishwasher correctly (I grew up without one & slowly became one), how to balance family & life’s battles, tricks to ace a college history test, the magic in cooking some mean risotto and more. Living there was a great growing experience for me that I will look back on fondly for the rest of my life.

One of my favorite memories was reading time with Talya in the music room. It was our special time together while Zeb napped. In the music room there are big windows that look over the city & allow even the slightest rays of sun through. The highlight of reading time was the Lemon tree we sat next to. We’d watch the lemons begin as wee buds & with time grow into delicious lemons that were used for “tickle pie”. It was cool watching something grow & talking to Talya about it because children have such a different perspective on things.

Here is a photo of the lemon tree last January. I have finally figured out why I loved this tree so much. It is because it showed me that anything can flourish in a happy, loving, healthy home — even during the coldest months.

I am now determined to not only have my very own herb garden this year but my own lemon tree as well. Here is a great post about tips to growing citrus indoors from Apartment Therapy. Check it out, and if you do invest in a lemon tree, do tell:)

All my love, Bee

A potion for Spring

I have really wanted to share this concoction that can make it feel a little more like Spring in your home with a few simple ingredients. Unfortunately, I was not able to find all of the ingredients at my local grocery store, so I will share in high hopes that you will be able to find what you’ll need.

(Thank you to “One more moore” where I found this lovely potion)

You need a small stockpot filled about 2/3 full with water. 1 lemon, sliced, and a few sprigs of rosemary. Then add 1-2 tsp of vanilla. Add water throughout the day as needed. You can keep the same mixture for around 2 days but after that you will need to throw it out.

Ooh the things I’d do for my own herb garden (or my mothers) — Let me know if any of you try it out. Cheers to Spring & the birth of new & beautiful things!