Made To Love

 

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Alright people I’m just going to make this simple. I love to love. I truly feel like I as an individual was made to love. Some have told me that’s not really a “thing” but I like to think otherwise. It is my strongest (and at times it has been my weakest) trait.

I always have and always will firmly believe that when in doubt you just have to add a little love to it. So I do. Every single day I make it a point to say “I love you” to someone in my life without even speaking those three words. With time I’ve learned that there are so many ways that you can say I love you, it just comes down to whether or not the receiving individual is able to hear it. 

So, lets take a break from that discussion so that I can make a quick point about today: It’s really kind of weird to me that people who are single get so down on themselves on Valentines day. Is the day not about love? Do you not have any in your life? If not, create it. Self-love, google it. Family and friends? Yah go squeeze the shit out of them, it feels really good I promise. Love is so much more than flowers, chocolate, and diamonds on a random day in February. Don’t dwell on the fact that it may be lacking. Just make it happen. You deserve it.

So, since today is “love-day” I vow to celebrate the ridiculous amount that I am blessed to have in my life. My family and friends make my world go ’round. And I’m going to do my very best to remind them of that.

So if and when you feel kind of bummed today do this: Slow down, take a big deep breath, focus on what you have and repeat after me: life is not about what I can get, it is about what I can give. 

And hopefully your heart will feel a little lighter, your world a bit brighter, and your soul will stir with ideas of how you can bring more love into the peoples lives around you. Which, in the most badass way ever, will bring more love into your life in return. How about that for a thought? It’s a win-win babe. I’m tellin’ ya. Love is kind of magical like that. So please, have a beautiful day, kick ass, hug lots of peeps alright?

All my love, cheesy thoughts (and 20-something thoughts) on love until next time,

XOXO, B

“After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” -Nadia Mah

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Beautiful People Don’t Just Happen.

There is one thing that I still haven’t really told anybody in my life. It happened last June. Every single day there are at least 5 minutes where I sit there and go back to that month. My chest gets hot, I sweat, I ache, and I think about how there is no way I could ever really tell anyone about it. It devastated me. But I need to talk about it. And I will. I will take the steps to choose to see that event in a different way. I will choose to see the love in it.

I used to be kind of proud of my ability to be open with people. I learned at a young age how much I treasure sharing stories about my experiences. I’d always say “I’m an open book. I have a blog, and I don’t really have anything to hide.”

There were times in my life where I would go through something difficult and at times it would feel like the only comfort I could find was telling myself that it was happening to me so that I could tell my story one day and help others grow. Ultimately I wanted to share my downfalls in order to inspire others somehow… I wanted to help others avoid making the mistakes I’ve made. But things have changed.

The past couple of weeks have really challenged me. I’ve spent my time doing the things that scare me. Going to school, taking on more responsibility at work, breaking unhealthy patterns, figuring out how to remove toxic people in my life in a way that is loving, kind, and graceful, and accepting the fact that my life can drastically change in one month. And I can’t do a damn thing about it.

And suddenly I’ve found myself surrounded by individuals who see right through me, which also obviously scares me. You want a wake up call? Spend some quality time with people who don’t agree with everything you say. Who call you on your shit. Spend time with people who, after they’ve left, stay in your head because of one bold, honest thing they said to you that you couldn’t even begin to respond to.

When I’ve been asked to share some of the things that have frightened me, shook me, changed my perspective, and straight up knocked me on my ass I have discovered one huge thing: I am not the open 18 year old girl that I used to be. I am a woman who has spent some time in some pretty dark places. And that’s okay.

I am realizing that I’ve allowed some of the ups and downs I’ve gone through in the last 2 years into my head. I’ve basically shut off that open, vulnerable, “it is what it is” part of me that used to be so significant and crucial in my life. I have let fear create a home in my mind and in my heart. And I want to work on that.

It all comes down to being scared that exposing anything in my life that is not beautiful and well kept will put a big ole’ “I’m not worthy of love” sticker on my forehead. But that is so far from true. Maybe finding the will to truly open up to people will teach me about trust again. Maybe it will teach me me to love and be loved because I have nothing to hide.

So, February has been a month of getting real with myself. It’s been about going to the places in my life that I once ran from and dumping all the love, acceptance, and forgiveness into them. It’s not always pretty, but digging deep within and truly grabbing the rot and negativity out of your life with your hands is one of the most empowering, loving things you can do for yourself. It’s just finding the will and finally saying “I’m done hiding from this shit.”

This is the month where I make peace with the bad so that I can make more space for the good. This is my time to make peace with the past.

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A Wandering Mind

Sometimes when I study really hard I take a break, close my eyes, and daydream. I’m currently drifting on the thought of having a beautiful patio someday..  I’ll curl up with a cup of tea and my favorite book and soak up the peace and quiet. Or, maybe even the pitter patter of little chitlins running around and the laughter of my family… :)

I’ve always been such a dreamer. Where do you go when your mind wanders?

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“Read that book, wake up early in the morning and go for that run to start off your day. Buy the nicest underwear and wear it to boost your mood. Eat as clean as possible because you’ll feel so much better but treat yourself as well. Be kind to everyone. Go out to a cafe and watch people walk buy as you sip your coffee. Compliment that stranger! Start a conversation with that person on the bus. Read a book about food, about astronomy, learn a new language. Watch the sunrise. Get away for a weekend. Introduce yourself. Do yoga and go on a hike. Lay on the beach under the stars and have a dnm with your best friend. Dance around and sing at the top of yours lungs at that festival. Life is meant to be lived, not controlled.” -Unknown

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What Makes Me Go

Every morning at 5 a.m Beyonce serenades and motivates my ass via my alarm clock while I fumble around and put my gym clothes on like a little zombie. Then I get into my car and drive to the gym within 5 minutes (I know, it’s so close, I’m spoiled).

Sometimes I meet my best friend Kelsey, and sometimes I go alone. But I always commit 2 hours at the beginning of the day to myself. It’s my me time where I work through all the things going on in my head. It’s the green light to my day, the thing that makes me go.

For some women it’s shopping, spa days, champagne and high heels. For me it’s my Nike’s, headphones, Nalgene filled with ice cold water, and an ass kicking. I love and enjoy the alternative, but the gym fuels me unlike any gorgeous new handbag. When I exercise I’m investing in myself. My happiness, health, and well-being are invaluable to me.

But this morning when I peeled my eyeballs open (yah, it’s rough sometimes) I realized that I needed something different for the day. So instead of rushing to the gym and breaking a sweat I chose to make myself some tea, sit down on my meditation pillow, and be still. I chose an exercise for my mind.

And it was beautiful. I focused on my breath. I woke up slowly. I was mindful of my thoughts. And the most important thing was that I was gentle with myself.

Next week I have my first big test at school, and I’m dedicating this weekend to studying. I’m sure there will be moments of frustration where I am tired and would rather stick burning needles in my eyeballs than work on my review…. But I feel like meditating this morning really prepared me for the next week.

I’m learning that we need a variety of things in our lives to remain aware. Things that challenge us, educate us, motivate us, and comfort us. But for me the biggest thing is finding the moments, people, and activities that quiet my thoughts. Meditating does that for me. Looking at someone I love does that for me. Sharing my thoughts by writing on this blog and hearing feedback from like-minded individuals does that for me.

I didn’t need squats, dumbells, and burpees today. I needed to keep my heart open, my thoughts pure, and my energy centered while I remained present. Sometimes in life the quieter we become, the more we can hear. 

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