The things I encourage you to do: #1

Smoke expensive cigars and invite Dean Martin to keep you company. Learn to salsa. Mambo all night. Walk barefoot to feel grounded and swim to places you’ll never completely touch. Call the family members that made distance taste so bitter for so long. Allow yourself to be sweet. Kiss the rugged man whose love is unavailable but has a smile that leaves a mark.

Jump in your car and drive to a handful of strangers for a weekend of adventure. Let your feet hang off the boat at midnight and howl at the full moon without feeling silly. Curl up in bed with your journal and tell your secrets, find comfort in them being safe there. Wear high heels and dance until your feet burn. Take the long way home from work, roll all the windows down, and blast your favorite song. Make mad passionate love, and do it often. Order an extra glass of pinot and have that last piece of cheese (you know you want it)

Eat tomatoes right off the plant and don’t take note of the small dirty spot. Slip into your favorite Summer dress and wear that lipstick you love just because. Take hikes on your own and marvel at mother natures gifts. Splurge on over-priced “organic” sandwiches and pellegrino every once in a while. And do all of this without having to give anyone in the world a single explanation.

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You Will Be Stronger

You had me second guess myself so many times that I’d be surprised to find a single doubt within if you asked me to look today. You led me astray more times than I chose to count. I fell flat on my face but I didn’t ever give up. My phone bill teetered towards overage charges for the first time since high school; I sobbed to my mum so many times our plan couldn’t keep up, yet somehow she always did. It’s been since I said farewell to my childhood that my lips have trembled like they did during this month. I crumbled in situations that I’d usually be holding down.

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And sometimes, if the stars aligned just right, I’d be at the end of a gut-wrenching day doing my best to catch my breath & I would suddenly find myself in an opulent moment. After letting those sporadic moments of bliss amongst blur confuse me for a while, I started using them as fuel: I knew if I consistently fought until I couldn’t anymore I’d start to see results. Slowly but surely, things began making sense.

April, I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but our 30 days of trial & error together splashed color on my white walls & infused a deep appreciation within. Thank you for kicking me in the ass even though I was usually still trying to get up from the last time. And, thank you for teaching me how to be strong even when I am alone. I reached out to my incredible loved ones a lot, to say the least, but whenever a new situation arose I had to learn to adjust (still learning how)

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I guess I’ve decided that a firm reality check isn’t always the sweetest cup of tea, but it sure does make a pretty little promise — that this too shall pass, and when it does, you will be stronger. 

All my love until we meet again next year, xoxo, your little warrior

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” (Sonnet XCVIII) -William Shakespeare

Well & Warm

There isn’t anything wrong with working for the finer things — but there is definitely something right about learning to slow down & bask in the fleeting moments in life. With that said, I wish you just that this weekend. And, if you feel like it, try & stop & enjoy the things you’d normally look past. It’s not always easy, but in this case, it’s usually worth it. Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

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Ps. This girl ain’t hard to please… The best treat in the world is love. So sure, spoil me ;)  

xoxo + the potential smack on thou cute ass, Bee

Crossing Boundaries Within

That moment where I felt as if I could take one little skip & I’d immedietly take flight. That is when I knew — I am approaching a beautiful new chapter, the one where my dreams become reality. Can you believe we made it? Lifes got me feeling lifted. I’m on top of the world — stopping here is one of the only things that isn’t on my agenda. Nothing feels better then the adrenaline I get when I see the things I have dreamed of actually happening. 

The week is over & it’s time to enjoy what you created! Celebrate, you deserve it. We all do. It’s time to begin forgetting our flaws & loving the little miracles we unconsciously do every single day.

Running towards the unknown

  • Finals
  • Work
  • Worries
  • Money/bills
  • Insecurities
  • Self doubt

My doctor told me to squeeze a quick workout in when I need more energy after a day at work (ya, so not what I was wanting to hear) Did I listen? Yes. Did I do it? No. Today is a day for things I’ve never done, so I stopped the cycle of one bad habit: laziness. I have three articles due tomorrow & I need authentic energy right now. Instead of going for coffee, I ran.

Often when we go towards the unknown we are surprised with what we find — that was the case in this situation. I ran a new route and discovered my own personal haven. The road was freshly paved & barely big enough for one vehicle. To my left there was a field of freedom: calfs snuggled with their mommas while some just stood & looked at me curiously. To be honest, I would too if I saw a girl running her heart out while oozing with joy (it’s not sweat, it’s bliss – stinky bliss) & taking 849 photos. To my right there was an open field with the mountains behind it — it was the perfect mixture of natures finest.
I realize it’s hard to do some of the things doctors recommend — I’m a firm believer that although they are extremely educated & specialize in caring for our well-being, we know our bodies best. Just because you might not agree with “their way” doesn’t mean you can’t find another way. Take care of yourself by listening, and watching, your body. There are countless ways to be healthy that do not include weight lifting & marathons. Find what works for you & do it. When I’d rather not, I remind myself: our bodies keep track of everything we do, even when we do not.

Creating Space

Taking some time to make a space for my breath. It’s been too long since I’ve taken my daily dose of meditation & sunshine — it will clear this mind of mine in no time.

All my love until next time, Bee

Take Your Baby by the Hand

Yesterday I spent a couple hours in bed after work with some weird bug. Andy brought me Kneaders & I soon realized how much some solid food and rest can do for a girl (one of those “duh” moments). Shortly after I was up and at it around the house. The next 4 weeks will be a bit chaotic around here because it is the end of the semester. Having my home in a good state should contribute to the fight for sanity during finals.

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I’d say I’m ‘trying to get my wardrobe organized‘… but lets be real, when am I not trying to get my wardrobe organized?? It’s a year round, never-ending thing. All of my girlfriends know what I’m talking about… They’ve all been over for bags of clothes that my ass outgrew or the 6 shirts I bought because ‘they match my shoes’  (that I don’t need & that look exactly alike). But sometimes you’re left with some gems & those clothes are just too pretty to keep hidden in the closet — which is why the clothes rack was invented. Mine is coming along and I am quite pleased with it. Someday when I’m not too ghetto to buy the wooden hangers I will. But that day is not today.

[ since those with droids have instagram now, add me! username: commanderinchic ]

I hit a wall at about 11:30 and that’s when I found Andy in the kitchen. He had been setting his computer up for work & finally got his speakers to work. Wang Chung was blasting & you could tell he was trying so hard not to break out in a full on dance (he was doing the slow & discreet foot shuffle while his arms swung back n’ forth a bit. hilarious)

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Next thing you know we’re dancing in the kitchen to ‘Dance Hall Days’ while he twirls me around in my painting/cleaning clothes & sings along to every word. We almost made it through the whole song but our asses are out-of-SHAPE (& we both needed a drink)

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We of course played Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd  & Can’t You See by the Marshall Tucker Band. I’m convinced these are the moments that true love is found, over & over again. Happy Friday sweets, I hope you take the time to dance with someone you love this weekend. Even if it’s just a bit of shufflin’ & swinging of the arms. It’ll feel good, I promise.

Bee