Unbreakable

”It’s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that’s sitting right here right now…with its aches and its pleasures…is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.”

Pema Chodron

You will never be younger then you are in this very moment, this very second in time. I complain so much. More then I should. My knee’s ache, my ankles throb, and my hips pop. But I should stop. My body has given me more then I can ask for.

I want to stop bitching about my smalls boobs, legs made for a fighter, arms that can’t lift much, and hips wide enough to prop a baby on them for hours. I hope to work on dismissing my insecurities. My ass does not and cannot be perfectly perky and cellulite free. My face can not be flawless at all times. Maybe I am not exactly what I want to be, but I am exactly what I am ment to be. The love I have for my body begins now. The love I have for my body is unbreakable. I hope that yours is, too.

XOXO

Advertisements

Who Will You Be?

Ever since I was wee I have found these 10 words to be the creators of an extremely broad, limitless path; ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’  Whether it would be a teacher, coach, family member, or someone who was simply curious would look me in the eyes waiting for my response I would just sit there, quiet & absorbed. Yet my mind was racing, my heart pounding. It was as if someone had injected me with an electric tonic that made a movie of every dream I’ve ever had play vividly right before my eyes. How can one narrow this movie into one scene? One scene where we find ourselves happy, successful, & truly alive? 

In elementary school I dreamed of being a zoologist. I would spend hours in the school library during recess reading about Dr. Francine “Penny” Patterson, the woman who taught Koko the gorilla sign language. I wanted to do the unthinkable.

I then found my passion on the field, playing the beautiful game of Fútbol, or ‘Soccer’. I knew I wanted to pursue a future in the game, and I knew I wouldn’t stop until I could no longer physically play. That day came and I cried, I grew, and I moved forward.

Shortly after, I discovered my young soul might lack in math class at times, but never in passion. I began to express myself by writing and fell in love with the joy of the American language. That is when I knew that whatever I decided to ‘be’ when I ‘grew up’ would entail communicating, helping, embracing, learning from, and loving people. Not just my kind of people, or the right type of people, but people in general. I want to be educated on all walks of life, free of judgement, & far from ever being ‘satisfied’. And at the end of the day, I’ve come to realize that it isn’t ‘what’ I will be, but who I will be. I hope to be remembered by the love that often makes me feel like I could explode, & the things I do to create that in others.
“Every day I discover more and more beautiful things.
It’s enough to drive one mad. I have such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it.”

Leap

Stop holding your beautiful self back! Take that leap of faith into the unknown. Going towards the unfamiliar is the most interesting way to learn. Head towards your dreams with confidence. You can do anything you set your mind to. I promise you that… XOXO

 

Do It For Yourself

You know your hair is out of control when your mum calls you up & offers to book an appointment & pay for you to go get it cut. I haven’t let anyone lay their little scissory digits on my head since my gorgeous hair stylist/girlfriend/lova Kerry left me (broke my heart) & moved back to Oregon. I can’t help but worry when it comes to my hair. As much as I hate to admit it, I’d rather have it grow out & look messy then have someone make me look like a wreck-up-from-the-neck-up because they don’t know what they’re doing… Once you find that perfect stylist it’s so hard to go to someone new. With that said, my ‘halle berry’ cut has grown into a lovelyyy shag that I somehow manage to squeeze into a pony/nub everyday. Or I put a hat on. I know, I know… A little pathetic. And like any mother would, mine has noticed how much I dislike the way I look (& feel) because of it.

I went from this

To this

and theeen….

To now…

(Super sorry, but my bieber fever hair & I couldn’t arrange a time to take a picture together. A hat will do until my hair is done from being under construction.)

I often talk about treating yourself to things so you feel good about yourself, yet I personally don’t do it. I like to save my money and be smart about what I spend it on, so setting money aside each month to go to the salon is hard for me to do without feeling guilty. I’m sure some of you are thinking, ‘But that’s what women do?’. It’s similar to how my girlfriends always give me shit because I refuse to cave in and buy expensive makeup even though it’s definitely something worth indulging in. I am a strong believer in ‘if you look good, you feel good’. Confidence plays a huge role in living your life your way, so if your confidence is lacking then it’s a little bit harder to carry yourself with pride & power. So I’m going to practice what I preach and make sure I stand by what I see to be true. I’m excited to let my headbands and hats retire so I can get back to feeling beautiful inside and out. I do have to say, sometimes mom simply knows best. Thank you for always making sure I’m taking care of me, I love you momma. XOXO

Keep On Singing My Song

This morning I was driving & listening to Christina Aguileras CD ‘Stripped’. I fell in love with it when it was first released and it has never lost its touch, it will be a favorite album of mine forever. Keep On Singing My Song‘ came on & out of nowhere I got the chills. I’ve listened to it more times then I can count & have had the lyrics memorized since I bought the CD years ago. The difference is this: Years ago I had no idea what it meant to experience something that could make you question your ability to move on. As we grow, we gain new experiences, some good, some bad. We are also confronted with more serious things to deal with. I am a strong believer that it’s not about what happens to you but how you react to it. Unfortunately, I struggle with practicing what I preach at times because I have had an extremely hard time letting some things go that have happened in the last year, and because of that, I have been unintentionally holding myself back. Instead of allowing myself to feel the emotions that come with any type of loss or defeat and then continuing with my life I have dwelled on the, ‘What if’s’ and ‘Why me’s?’. The fact is, it is easier to accept what you are presented with in life and grow from it as a strong individual then it is to sit and boil your positivity away in a pot full of negative thoughts. Everything happens for a reason and there is a lesson within every experience. So these lyrics really touched me and I have decided to make it my mantra…. Because for me, it fits. It gives me confidence that I can do whatever I set my mind to. It helps me check myself before I WRECK myself trying to live my life pleasing everyone else but MYSELF. It brings my individuality to mind and helps me live my life as nobody but my authentic self. It restores my faith… and it reminds me that ‘Every step I’m ’bout to take moves towards a better day’.  How’s that for a few fan-fuckin-tastic things that you get from just one single song?? I’ll take it. XOXO

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
And nobody’s gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothing’s been going my way lately
But I decided right here, an’ now, that my outlook’s gonna change
That’s why I’m gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I’ve cried
Everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feelin’ like they won’t let me live life
Take the time to look at what is mine

I see every blessing so clearly
And I thank God for what I got from above

Chorus:
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on (Carry on)
I’mma keep on (keep on) singin’ my song

(La, la, la, etc.)

I never wanna dwell on the pain again
There’s no use in relivin’ how I hurt back then
Rememberin’ too well the hell I felt when I was runnin’ out of faith
Every step I’m ’bout to take moves towards a better day
Cause I’m about to
Say farewell to every single lie
And all the fears I’ve held too long inside
Everytime I felt I couldn’t try
All the negativity inside

For too long, I’ve been strugglin’, couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feelin’ strong and I’m moving on

Chorus:
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on, (carry on)
I’mma keep on (keep on) singin’ my song

Every time I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally, so I ended up in misery
Was unable to see all the good around me
Wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Than simply just remembering to breathe
I’m humanly unable to please everyone at the same time
So now I find my peace of mind living one day at a time

In the end I answer to one god
Comes down to one love till I get to heaven above

I have made the decision
Never to give in
Till the I day I die no matter what
Im gonna carry on, I’mma keep on singin’ my song
(They can’t take anything from me)

 

A Test

I’m going to try this. When I read this I thought, ‘Woa… 3 whole days?‘ Um YA what the hell Bailey you shithead stop beating yourself up. That’s me talking to myself, it’s fine. It’s time to love a little more and stop criticizing myself. There are enough people out there that have something to say about the way I should live, look, and act, I don’t need to join them. Also, can ‘being really good at eating’ be a quality? Because I am. I LOVE food. Especially bread, bread, bread. I don’t care. Let it go to my ass. So be it.

Ps. I know OPI’s ‘Shatter’ is the hot thing as of late, but I will forever be a glittery lover.