I Still Love You…

Maybe when you watched the game today, you thought of me. After all, you were the one who planted the seed of love for the 49ers into this beautiful garden I call life. I still wear this perfume you gave me, but only on days where my heart feels stable & the weather says there isn’t any precipitation in the forecast. Deep down, I wonder if you read my blog still. Part of me hopes that you’re hanging onto the only way you can be a part of my life right now. Being humans, we make mistakes. I guess you could say we have both been acting like humans without any filters. Forgiveness is something I strongly believe in but still struggle with every single day. I hope that we can look past the bitterness & stop being stubborn… I understand that I am not always right (even when I am wrong), so I promise not to point fingers. We both still have so much to learn. I do hope that eventually, we can do the learning together. Until then, know that I still love you, & I am still crossing my fingers you do too.

Just to clear things up… This post is not about some secret man or ex-boyfriend in my life, it is about my father. My boss likes to say, ‘Never assume, because you will make an ass out of you & me’. Sorry for the misunderstanding… Thank you.

Makes Me Smile

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. -Marlene Dietric

Keep On Singing My Song

This morning I was driving & listening to Christina Aguileras CD ‘Stripped’. I fell in love with it when it was first released and it has never lost its touch, it will be a favorite album of mine forever. Keep On Singing My Song‘ came on & out of nowhere I got the chills. I’ve listened to it more times then I can count & have had the lyrics memorized since I bought the CD years ago. The difference is this: Years ago I had no idea what it meant to experience something that could make you question your ability to move on. As we grow, we gain new experiences, some good, some bad. We are also confronted with more serious things to deal with. I am a strong believer that it’s not about what happens to you but how you react to it. Unfortunately, I struggle with practicing what I preach at times because I have had an extremely hard time letting some things go that have happened in the last year, and because of that, I have been unintentionally holding myself back. Instead of allowing myself to feel the emotions that come with any type of loss or defeat and then continuing with my life I have dwelled on the, ‘What if’s’ and ‘Why me’s?’. The fact is, it is easier to accept what you are presented with in life and grow from it as a strong individual then it is to sit and boil your positivity away in a pot full of negative thoughts. Everything happens for a reason and there is a lesson within every experience. So these lyrics really touched me and I have decided to make it my mantra…. Because for me, it fits. It gives me confidence that I can do whatever I set my mind to. It helps me check myself before I WRECK myself trying to live my life pleasing everyone else but MYSELF. It brings my individuality to mind and helps me live my life as nobody but my authentic self. It restores my faith… and it reminds me that ‘Every step I’m ’bout to take moves towards a better day’.  How’s that for a few fan-fuckin-tastic things that you get from just one single song?? I’ll take it. XOXO

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
And nobody’s gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothing’s been going my way lately
But I decided right here, an’ now, that my outlook’s gonna change
That’s why I’m gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I’ve cried
Everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feelin’ like they won’t let me live life
Take the time to look at what is mine

I see every blessing so clearly
And I thank God for what I got from above

I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on (Carry on)
I’mma keep on (keep on) singin’ my song

(La, la, la, etc.)

I never wanna dwell on the pain again
There’s no use in relivin’ how I hurt back then
Rememberin’ too well the hell I felt when I was runnin’ out of faith
Every step I’m ’bout to take moves towards a better day
Cause I’m about to
Say farewell to every single lie
And all the fears I’ve held too long inside
Everytime I felt I couldn’t try
All the negativity inside

For too long, I’ve been strugglin’, couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feelin’ strong and I’m moving on

I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on, (carry on)
I’mma keep on (keep on) singin’ my song

Every time I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally, so I ended up in misery
Was unable to see all the good around me
Wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Than simply just remembering to breathe
I’m humanly unable to please everyone at the same time
So now I find my peace of mind living one day at a time

In the end I answer to one god
Comes down to one love till I get to heaven above

I have made the decision
Never to give in
Till the I day I die no matter what
Im gonna carry on, I’mma keep on singin’ my song
(They can’t take anything from me)