Toothless Grin

I enjoy finding beauty in an average day. There are so many moments that take my breath away, and sometimes it feels like there isn’t enough space in my heart to hold them all at once. It’s like I’m turning into some kind of happy-moment-hoarder and I need an outlet. That’s when I remembered: I have this blog where many of my deep, and sometimes silly, thoughts quietly drift. Brace yourself, this shit is about to get pretty happy.

Almost everyday after work I walk to FedEx to drop transcripts off for my students. It’s about 3 blocks from my office and I have experienced a handful of “downtown moments” since I started doing this. Moments where I have conversations with strangers that often leave me with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. But I had a special day last week where I felt bombarded with things that made my heart swell, so I thought I’d share one and maybe even make it a habit if I’m lucky.

A windstorm had come through the city late that afternoon and it shook the windows in the office. Thick black storm clouds hovered over the tall buildings, and litter was lifted into the air. But it was 5:00 and I had to get my students transcripts mailed before I went home. So I slipped through the glass door of the building I work in and braved the strong gusts. I had a silky black dress on with a white stripe down the middle, it buttons all the way up and I keep it at the end of my clothes rack with my “feel good” dresses.

But I felt far from good as the wind tried to sweep me one way and my dress the other. My hair felt like it was stuck between a cheap blowdryer on high and my lipstick smeared lips. Halfway to FedEx my fingers began to hurt from having such a tight grip on the documents I was delivering and the pyrex bowl tucked tightly between my arm and side. But I instantly forgot about all of these messy details when I exchanged a few words with a man that stood next to me waiting for the crosswalk to be clear.

I asked him how his day was going and he responded with a swift run on sentence (my kinda guy). He told me how incredible his day was. Before I could ask why he was so happy he went on to tell me that he has been having surgeries on his shoulder for almost 5 years. Doctors could not ease the pain and it was one problem after the other, but today was different. He got his Xrays back and found out that he’ll never have to have another surgery again. We began to walk. He pulled out his Xrays and showed them off with a huge grin on his face. I complimented them the best I could and tried to add to his endorphin rush, but that’s just simply hard to top.

We went our separate ways shortly after that, but the 30 seconds of bliss he shared with me had a consuming effect on my attitude. I had this dorky smile on my face all the way to my car and the wind suddenly changed and blew my worries away. Sure, the day was filled with garbage (literally) and my bum may have been revealed when the wind lifted my dress. But I’m thankful for that man, and I’ll never forget his toothless grin. He made that downtown moment an experience I’ll always treasure and my appreciation for my healthy body feel so much more present. So shine on, sweet man. I hope you feel strong enough to swoop your grandchildren in your arms without an ounce of pain.

 

Back to my roots

I have been missing my girlfriends, mum & co-workers a lot lately. My heart aches when I don’t get to see the gems in my life. So I packed the car up & Roman & I made our way to SLC for a few days. I feel like I am on vacation — yet I’m sitting here enjoying a cup of joe at my old desk.

I know I say it a lot, and to some it may be too much, but the blessings in my life never cease to amaze me. All I can say is I genuinely wish I could make sure everyone felt the same about their life. But sometimes, it’s just not that easy.

Happy Monday beautiful, shine on.

In the city

 

Reaching New Heights

Today/last night my brain came scary-close to exploding from midterm stress. I worked for 2 hours today (I usually work 8 hour days) & dedicated the rest of my day to perfecting my midterm article & final project. After I got sick of gazing out of my window at the gorgeous day I wasn’t fully enjoying I took my work, green smoothie, and cat outside to make hard work a bit more pleasant. That made me feel so much better, it’s amazing what a bit of sunshine can do for this girl.

After that I continued to work & submitted my article as well as my project at 9:59 — right on time.

Special thanks to:

  • The universe for helping me keep a (slippery) grip on at least a tiny piece of my sanity during the last few weeks.
  • My family, friends, and readers for talking me off the ledge a few times as well as my amazing job & co-workers for being so understanding & patient with me.

I feel as though I can finally breathe… And show off my new BLOG! It is for school of course so it will be very different then what you get here at Commander in Chic.”Rescue me” will be covering news on the homeless pets of Utah and what we can do to help. I am really excited because as you know I’m an animal lover & passionate about rescue/adoption (Roman was adopted from SLC Humane Society)

Any & all support/feedback will be very appreciated (it helps my grade! which is always needed). I hope to maintain “Rescue Me” as long as possible, even when it is not a requirement for school. Getting a grade for making a difference… Yah, I have a kick ass professor. Here is the link (click highlighted text). It is in the beginning stages, but will be updated weekly. Thank you to Leslie who gave me this idea, it’s perfect:)

And last but not least my good news! I am not sure how or what caused this to happen but I am pretty ecstatic about it. Yesterday Commander in Chic hit an all time high in daily views, reaching 1,407 hits & 500 “WordPress Followers”. Although some may turn their nose to those numbers I do not — I try to reach out to every follower, reply to each comment and smile for each view. Truly incredible for my little blog I started almost a year ago (March 20th) for this reason.

You know I couldn’t do this without any of you. My dreams are coming true right before my eyes and I am so very grateful for that. So thank you for listening, I love all of you and look forward to many more laughs, happy tears, friendships and connections.

White Walls

Dear Universe, thank you for my home.

Thank you for the white walls that enclose this place full of love, passion and adventure. Walls that are perfectly bare, so very empty. Almost like they are begging me to begin spinning among the creativity within until the colors of my spirit come to life on a super-sized canvas. We all need a beautiful place to clear our thoughts & just be — this is mine. I call it my sanctuary, my escape, my childhood dream grown into the best reality.

Love, me

The Beauty Takes The Gold

After sharing the rant from hell I knew I just might regret, I read your comments & learned to breathe again. With the love & support of all of you I got through the hardest day Logan has thrown at me thus far. Those deep breathes resulted in this recent discovery: We can either break down or break through, and like one of my amazing readers said, we always, always have a choice. One of my readers whom I adore also commented on that post & gave me some food for thought…

“Sometimes I sit and watch the emotion unfold like I used to watch clouds form and unform until they passed from my living room window,” he said. “Doing that reduces the potency of the feeling but also helps clear your head and provide you sometimes with great insights. It seems at first a very zen thing or stoic but it will relax you and help. – just my two cents” Well, your two cents prevented this lil’ lady from losin’ my mind up in here. (Click the link, it will make more sense) Thank you Mr. Marymuthafuckingpoppins :)

Shortly after I spent some time unfolding, Leslie (Andys sister) invited me over to watch the Superbowl with their family. Such little things seem to get by without recognition, so I want to say thank you. I adore the Lundbergs & cherish the time I get to spend with them. Being with them brings me comfort that feels familiar to the kind I find with my own family, which is something my heart has been absolutely yearning for.

The lesson I learned in this mini-meltdown of mine is this: The on-going battle with my emotions was the root to a weed that can spread like a wild fire. But who am  I to choose what is a flower & what may be a weed? Despite the flaws in my situation I believe the beauty takes the gold. I did not see this at first, of course, but because of my readers, the Lundbergs and my loved ones I opened my eyes to what I have, not what I need.

It has been a little over a month since I loaded my car & made the trip that I had been waiting for for years. The transition scared the shit out of me… but I knew that I was on my way to a new home where I would grow & expand my ability to cope as a young woman in an old & very fast world. Consider this a big fat smooch & long hug from me. Some say strangers cannot make a difference, but I feel we have a connection, and all of you have indeed made a difference in my life… an unforgettable one.

Photos Via Pinterest 

All of my love, B.

The Sensitive Rambler

I love Fridays, especially when I thought it came 3 days ago & have been patiently waiting for it’s arrival ever since then. I want to say thank you so much for everyones love, support, and kind words. I have some of the best readers & when I hear from you it absolutely makes my day. Things are  beginning to fall into place with moving & we have finally set an official moving date: 1/1/12. Kelsey & I will drive our little Salt Lake selves to Logan & unpack my things that day. She is truly my rock, I love you sissy. I’m planning on taking a few days off work so I can get all my ducks in a row to start the year off on the right foot (in a beautiful heel, of course). The generosity of my family & friends is incredible, without them I’d be a mess (& in need of a couch, tv, table, chairs, dishes, and much more). At the end of the day it’s comforting to know that no matter what happens my life is made of gems, and that is truly all that matters.

Now, onto a lighter subject. I am infamous for holding onto things, whether it be god-awful brown leggings or being called a ‘fu***** diva’ by someone I once looked up to (as if it were a hateful, disgusting thing to be). So yes, two things that are very silly, but I can’t seem to let go of for the life of me. Now, one of my guilty pleasures is Oprah. Yes, Oprah in general. Sometimes she irritates the hell out of me, and sometimes she makes me sob & blow snot bubbles (not really… okay sometimes). I read this article about things we should let go of and things we shouldn’t let go of. I think we can all relate to some of the things she talks about, so if you have a minute, I’d recommend reading it. You’re probably thinking “Um, ya, if you’d shut your pie hole & give me the link I just might..” So here it is, darlin.

Xoxo, The Sensitive Rambler

 

Be Yourself

“While driving one day, a woman’s attention focused on the license plate of the car ahead. The license read: “B-WHO-UR:’ How can I? she thought. I don’t know who I am!

Some of us may have felt confused when people encouraged us to be ourselves. How could we know ourselves, or be who we are, when, for years, many of us submerged ourselves in the needs of others?
We do have a self. We’re discovering more about ourselves daily. We’re learning we’re deserving of love.

We’re learning to accept ourselves, as we are for the present moment – to accept our feelings, thoughts, flaws, wants, needs, and desires. If our thoughts or feelings are confused, we accept that too. To be who we are means we accept our past our history exactly as is.

To be ourselves means we are entitled to our opinions and beliefs – for the present moment and subject to change. We accept our limitations and our strengths.

To be who we are means we accept our physical selves, as well as our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves, for now. Being who we are in recovery means we take that acceptance one step further. We can appreciate ourselves and our history

Being who we are, loving and accepting ourselves, is not a limiting attitude. Accepting and loving ourselves is how we enable growth and change.

Today, I will be who I am. If I’m not yet certain who I am, I will affirm that I have a right to that exciting discovery.”

-Affirmation by Melody Beattie