Till’ It Feels Right

Hi babes! Happy Tuesday. This week has been beautiful so far. It’s been full of two of my favorite things — sunshine and love. If you don’t already know, I happen to work with one of my best friends, Ryanne (I know, I’m spoiled). So today I kidnapped her chiltlin while she was in a meeting. I love her kids, and so I always really look forward to taking over mommy-duties when she needs a break. I promise these brazilian hips were made to bounce/hold babies.

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I took her youngest, Lucy, who is 7 months old…(And to die for). I seriously want to smooch her cheeks off at all times. We went for a nice walk to the coffee shop, Luce drooled on me, laughed, and stared at strangers. And then we went to the indoor/outdoor mall, City Creek, and browsed. We had so much fun. I loved hearing her coo and jibber jabber in her stroller as we walked through downtown in the sun.

Oh, and I swear to you.. everyone is so much nicer to you when they think you’re a momma with a beautiful lil’ babe. It’s so interesting. Have you ever felt that way?

I am in absolutely no rush to have babies, and I realize it’s not as glamorous as wrangling someone else’s kids can be. I have an incredible, happy, healthy nephew who I love and adore. I also have cousins and Ryanne’s kids to live vicariously through. But, I do look forward to being a momma someday.. :)

I went back to work and then class afterwards and got some great news… I got an A on one of the most difficult papers I have ever had to write since being in college. This paper was on a pretty sensitive topic for me, so I was thrilled to see my grade and positive feedback from my professor.

We got out of class early, so I rushed home, put on my stretchy pants (sporty spice is in action as soooon as work is off) grabbed some vino, and headed to Ryanne and Pats for our weekly bachelor night. I planned on taking my agenda and scheduling homework/tests over the next month while I was there, but it felt good to celebrate my A and just leave all my responsibilities at home for a while.

Anyway, I hope you’re all having a great so far. I had a rough few days about a week or so ago, and it was because I was putting all of my time and energy towards the negative and stressful things in my life. Once I changed my perspective and attitude, things changed.

So if you feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, or uncomfortable in your day to day lifestyle try switching it up. Think about whether or not you’re putting more weight on one foot than the other. Find your balance, embrace the love in your life, and change your attitude to gratitude. Have a glass of wine, put some comfy pants on, and love the babies/kids/friends/family in your life. Smooch em’ till it feels right.

All my love…

Bee

Mindful Of Your Words

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Happy Thursday dolls. I’m really working on thinking before I speak. Which is kind of hard for me sometimes. We have to be so careful to taste our words before we spit them out. I learned that the hard way recently. So today when you feel like blurting something out try and be mindful of exactly what message you’re sending.

Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary, does it improve upon the silence?” -Shirdi Sai Baba

xoxo, Bee

Tastes of Spring

Hi loves. So, it’s almost March! Almost. And for a heat loving girl who always has her bikini in her glovebox just in case, that makes me very happy. We’ve had a couple of really beautiful sunny days in Salt Lake over the last week (60 degrees) Now, I realize that they were kind of teasers… but I’m already feeling pretty antsy for Spring to get here.

One of my favorite things is planning out what to plant in our garden. It’s so much fun sitting down with my mom on the porch and drawing out where each plant will go. She’s much better at it than me, but I’m learning more each year. She focuses on things that are over my head and I focus on placing pretty crystals and wind chimes etc. all around to make it a happy garden. I was obviously raised by a pack of lesbians and hippies.. So there’s that.

There’s something therapeutic about putting my cut off shorts and a tank top on, getting on my knees, and getting my hands dirty after a long day at work. No stress, no bullshit, just me, the plants, some bugs, and some good tunes.

There are moments where gardening can really kick my ass and make me sweat. Like when my mom grants me the lovely duty of hauling huge bags of turkey shit from the car into the garden…. And then there are times where I am caring for one specific baby tomato plant that needs some trimming, and if I don’t do it right it wont live so I have to really take my time and be gentle with it. I’m not a gentle person by nature… so it kind of becomes a calming, peaceful thing for me to do. I always have a shit eating grin on my face when I can go and pick a gorgeous, perfect, homegrown tomato off of that exact plant a few weeks later.

And there is nothing better then being able to share our harvest with loved ones and neighbors. Whether it’s a basket of assorted fresh produce or an amazing dinner made strictly from the garden that we enjoy together on a Summer night. It’s rewarding, and there is comfort and joy in knowing exactly where our food came from.

If you don’t have a garden I suggest you do the hustle and start making a game plan to change that. It’s hard work, but the outcome is more than worth it. Alls I’m sayin’ is I’ve never met a soul that has said “This fresh, organic, heirloom tomato really sucks. I wish I wouldn’t have planted this garden.”

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Lightly, child.

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It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig. Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling, on tiptoes and no luggage, not even a sponge bag, completely unencumbered. -Aldous Huxley, Island  

Made To Love

 

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Alright people I’m just going to make this simple. I love to love. I truly feel like I as an individual was made to love. Some have told me that’s not really a “thing” but I like to think otherwise. It is my strongest (and at times it has been my weakest) trait.

I always have and always will firmly believe that when in doubt you just have to add a little love to it. So I do. Every single day I make it a point to say “I love you” to someone in my life without even speaking those three words. With time I’ve learned that there are so many ways that you can say I love you, it just comes down to whether or not the receiving individual is able to hear it. 

So, lets take a break from that discussion so that I can make a quick point about today: It’s really kind of weird to me that people who are single get so down on themselves on Valentines day. Is the day not about love? Do you not have any in your life? If not, create it. Self-love, google it. Family and friends? Yah go squeeze the shit out of them, it feels really good I promise. Love is so much more than flowers, chocolate, and diamonds on a random day in February. Don’t dwell on the fact that it may be lacking. Just make it happen. You deserve it.

So, since today is “love-day” I vow to celebrate the ridiculous amount that I am blessed to have in my life. My family and friends make my world go ’round. And I’m going to do my very best to remind them of that.

So if and when you feel kind of bummed today do this: Slow down, take a big deep breath, focus on what you have and repeat after me: life is not about what I can get, it is about what I can give. 

And hopefully your heart will feel a little lighter, your world a bit brighter, and your soul will stir with ideas of how you can bring more love into the peoples lives around you. Which, in the most badass way ever, will bring more love into your life in return. How about that for a thought? It’s a win-win babe. I’m tellin’ ya. Love is kind of magical like that. So please, have a beautiful day, kick ass, hug lots of peeps alright?

All my love, cheesy thoughts (and 20-something thoughts) on love until next time,

XOXO, B

“After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” -Nadia Mah

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Beautiful People Don’t Just Happen.

There is one thing that I still haven’t really told anybody in my life. It happened last June. Every single day there are at least 5 minutes where I sit there and go back to that month. My chest gets hot, I sweat, I ache, and I think about how there is no way I could ever really tell anyone about it. It devastated me. But I need to talk about it. And I will. I will take the steps to choose to see that event in a different way. I will choose to see the love in it.

I used to be kind of proud of my ability to be open with people. I learned at a young age how much I treasure sharing stories about my experiences. I’d always say “I’m an open book. I have a blog, and I don’t really have anything to hide.”

There were times in my life where I would go through something difficult and at times it would feel like the only comfort I could find was telling myself that it was happening to me so that I could tell my story one day and help others grow. Ultimately I wanted to share my downfalls in order to inspire others somehow… I wanted to help others avoid making the mistakes I’ve made. But things have changed.

The past couple of weeks have really challenged me. I’ve spent my time doing the things that scare me. Going to school, taking on more responsibility at work, breaking unhealthy patterns, figuring out how to remove toxic people in my life in a way that is loving, kind, and graceful, and accepting the fact that my life can drastically change in one month. And I can’t do a damn thing about it.

And suddenly I’ve found myself surrounded by individuals who see right through me, which also obviously scares me. You want a wake up call? Spend some quality time with people who don’t agree with everything you say. Who call you on your shit. Spend time with people who, after they’ve left, stay in your head because of one bold, honest thing they said to you that you couldn’t even begin to respond to.

When I’ve been asked to share some of the things that have frightened me, shook me, changed my perspective, and straight up knocked me on my ass I have discovered one huge thing: I am not the open 18 year old girl that I used to be. I am a woman who has spent some time in some pretty dark places. And that’s okay.

I am realizing that I’ve allowed some of the ups and downs I’ve gone through in the last 2 years into my head. I’ve basically shut off that open, vulnerable, “it is what it is” part of me that used to be so significant and crucial in my life. I have let fear create a home in my mind and in my heart. And I want to work on that.

It all comes down to being scared that exposing anything in my life that is not beautiful and well kept will put a big ole’ “I’m not worthy of love” sticker on my forehead. But that is so far from true. Maybe finding the will to truly open up to people will teach me about trust again. Maybe it will teach me me to love and be loved because I have nothing to hide.

So, February has been a month of getting real with myself. It’s been about going to the places in my life that I once ran from and dumping all the love, acceptance, and forgiveness into them. It’s not always pretty, but digging deep within and truly grabbing the rot and negativity out of your life with your hands is one of the most empowering, loving things you can do for yourself. It’s just finding the will and finally saying “I’m done hiding from this shit.”

This is the month where I make peace with the bad so that I can make more space for the good. This is my time to make peace with the past.

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