Without Complexities or Pride

 

I like to think I do a pretty good job with keeping my personal life, well, personal. So I’ll continue to think that way. With that said, I hope I am able to respect the fine line between what shall remain personal and what is acceptable to be public. I believe part of my journey is sharing it with others. Every love has a plethora of lessons… I think I’ll pick one out of the dozens from the love I’m currently working on right now.

Meow and I were driving to coffee this afternoon and out of no where she said, “Have you heard Back to December by Taylor Swift?” and I said, “I think so…? Ya probably.” She went on to tell me about what it reminds her of… And we decided we’d watch the video with the lyrics when we got home. Hours later she pulled it up and sat there on her bed next to each other watching it. I’m not a huge Taylor Swift fan, but sometimes it doesn’t really matter how much you enjoy the artist – If a song hits close enough to home you can’t deny it regardless of who sings it. Long story short, this one hit close to home and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get tears in my eyes. Maria looked at me at the end of the song and said, “Sorry, I just had to show you. I don’t mean to be debby downer, but that’s what I am every time I hear this on the radio because it reminds me of you two. and it’s on ALL the time. I can’t even focus on driving because I just want to cry for you”. She really is the best thing in the world by the way. She gets it…and it’s amazing. I love my meow. So anyway, I said it was okay and we continued with our evening, tear-free. Because it was okay. I am okay.

Driving home tonight I realized something that is probably pretty simple to most of you, but really big for me. I’ve decided that nobody is “too good” for you just like you aren’t too good for anyone else. We are all equal. If things don’t work out between two people it might just mean you simply weren’t ready for one another. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or the other person. That’s the whole thing… trying to figure out if you will ever be ready for each other. There is always hope that you can each grow and come together in time, which often creates a bond that is on it’s way to becoming unbreakable. But sometimes you’re never ready for that person… Or maybe that person was never ready for you. And then you have to accept it for what it is. Let it hurt like hell (because if it meant anything it will) but in the end if you have to move on, move on with your head held high, and know that there isn’t anything wrong with you. Some people just aren’t ready for your love. The most amazing thing is there are plenty who are, and if you can’t think of anyone my best advice is to begin with yourself.

 

Here’s the video that stirred all these thoughts in my mind…

And then here’s the song that was playing when that “light bulb” came on in the car. Where the hell did my boys go? The Beastie Boys are some long time loves of mine… Every song brings back quite the flashbacks. Do they do that for you? Lemme know, dying to hear from some other BB lovas.

 

 

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

So I love you because I know no other way than this: Where I does not exist,

nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand. So close

that your eyes close as I fall asleep.” Sonnet XVII, Pablo Neruda

 

 

Eat, Pray, Love, and Ramble.

 

 

“I started reading it and I came to this part….that completely changed the way I looked at depression and taking anti-depressants. You know how you always (unfortunately) look to other people to tell you that its alright, or that you’ll beat something….instead of telling yourself? I found this passage to be incredibly powerful….and I wanted to share it with you!” A brilliant woman named Gillian put this on Flickr, and it was too wonderful to keep to myself. Maybe I am the only one that can truly appreciate it… But I hope that’s not the case.

I just watched “Eat, Pray, Love“. When I got home this afternoon I was in the process (or trying to begin the process) of getting out of this lovely funk I woke up in. Main issue was that I didn’t feel like a damn thing in the world could help me do that. Mmm love that don’t you? Anywho, my appetite has been out of CONTROL the last few weeks, so the second I feel any anxiety/stress/boredom/emotion in general I turn to food. So, I ate a banana with some peanut butter (more so peanut better with a little banana, lets be real). Shortly after I decided that even though that’s one of my favorite snacks on the planet, it wasn’t hitting the spot. I wanted and needed a couple (a few) cups of black Rimini coffee and a meal, not a silly ass BANANA. Christ. Anyways, I ended up eating some Cous Cous and chicken with my coffee. Instead of doing yoga, or blogging, or meditating, or writing (which are all things I try and do when I have days like this) I sat my ass on the couch and turned on the TV. If you know me, you know that’s the last thing I usually resort to. But I had zero energy to do anything I’d normally do, so I started to look through netflix. Eat, Pray, Love came up and I thought to myself, “oh, perfect, the movie I’ve wanted to see for months as well as the book I bought that’s sitting on my book shelf with a crease in chapter 2….” NEEDLESS TO SAYYYY, it was the best thing I could have done to get myself out of this horrible funk-de-mothafuckin-funk. I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed a little more. Then I realized Spring Break was over and I had to be in class whether I had 2 hours left in the movie or not. So, I resumed the movie this evening after class. I soaked in some time with my beautiful Auntie Carolyn, sweet Talya, and handsome Zeb before I pushed play. Oh, and we can’t forget the tub of ice-cream I spent some time with, that would be rude. Anywho, it was amazing. As dumb and girly and silly as it sounds, we all need nights like these. I highly recommend allowing yourself one in the near future:) This is my first rambling post on La Vie Boheme, so I guess it’s officially my blog. Those of you who read “Drifting In between Dreams and Reality” are all too familiar with these kind of posts, but those of you who didn’t…. Welcome to my messy, beautiful, rambling world of chaos.  As you can see, I don’t have it all quite figured out… But I’m beginning to be okay with that. And I guess that’s the most beautiful part about my day today. So sorry for the sloppy blogging, life is just kinda like that sometimes though right…. A messy but raw blog post. Sweet sleeps my loves, until next time. xoxox

“Sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living balance in life” -Eat, Pray, Love