Remember Why You Started

Hey all, I hope you’re having a beautiful weekend so far. I spent my Friday night in the gym with my best friend, we worked hard and laughed harder. And as I was breathing through my latest challenge (perfecting the deadlift) I looked at myself in the mirror and figured out why I was really there.

I’ve noticed that most 20-somethings are in the gym to see quick results. They do whatever it takes to get that perky booty, toned stomach, wee arms, and the infamous “thigh gap” (which I hate, but that’s another story. Click here for my opinion on that) And I’ll be honest, a year ago I was that girl. But I’m so grateful for my experience in the gym these last 2 months because it has drastically changed my view of what fit and healthy really means. 

When I go to the gym I focus, I compete with the person I was the day before, and I have fun. I am gentle with myself when I am not quite understanding something new for the first few times, and I am hard on myself when my body says “give up” and my mind says “try one more time“.

At the beginning of this journey my goals were not healthy. I wanted to look good for a trip we’re planning in January that calls for bikini’s and sundresses. But something clicked and I realized that I’m not there 6 days a week to have skinny arms to flaunt at the bar or while I’m on vacation. My reasons go much deeper than that because they’ll effect my life, and those in it, years from now.

I want strong arms so that I can swoop my nephew up and squeeze him tight when we’re playing. So that it’s not as much of a challenge to carry things like groceries up the stairs to my apartment. I want to be strong so that I can defend myself if I ever found myself in a scary situation. And so that in May when it’s time for me to move I wont have to rely on so many people for help (and wine to recover;)

The strength I am working so hard for is for myself. So that I can have a lifetime of good health & fitness instead of simply working towards a slim body for the holidays or sporadic vacations on the beach.

And I am many years away from this part of my life, but I work hard now so that one day I can be a strong momma to my children. I want to be a good example of happiness & health for them. I want to be able to keep up with them when they are being stinkers & booking it as fast as they can away from me ;) & I want to be emotionally strong, which is what focusing on loving and nurturing my body does for me.

I will continue to run races, compete and complete spartans, and stay active. I want to be a fun auntie, a daughter who can help with big projects, a girlfriend who can do her own heavy lifting, a self-lover, and someday I hope to be a mom who can keep up with my quick and curious kids.

So when I walk into the gym on a Friday night or an early weekday before work I will forget what society says, I will brush any self-doubt aside, and I’ll remember why I started. And I think that’s pretty powerful.

“A woman is often measured by things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn’t curve. By where she is flat, or straight, or round. She is measure by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don’t ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is trying to become. Because every woman knows measurements are only statistics, and statistics lie.” -Nike

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Digging in deep

Today I made a big mistake by not paying enough attention to detail. This particular habit always seems to bite me in the butt… I guess some foibles are more difficult to rid than others. For finals we have five articles due, one every night this week. I misunderstood & I shouldn’t have — it is all laid out on our class page & my professor told us plenty of times.

My professor asks us on an individual level how our articles are coming along each week. He’s brilliant, and he cares, which makes him one of the best teachers I have ever had. When he asked how mine were coming along I told him I had three stories with sources & had to do the interviews this week. When he look more concerned than usual I knew I made a mistake.

I thought all 5 were due on Friday — and I was wrong. There is one article due every night this week. My face started to burn.

It slipped. I said fuck. In front of everyone in class. Now I’m the girl in Logan with a bad mouth who can’t get her articles finished on time, FABULOUS! That’s just fan-fuckin-tastic. Yes, sorry, I said it once so I said it again because I needed to let it out.

Those that don’t approve of that word are likely back to stalking their ex on Facebook. (Then again, those that are/would be judging me probably left a long time ago) ANYWAY…

I hurried and got online to do some research. I found a lead & started to write.

My professor approved it & I went straight to do an interview after a couple of phone calls.

When I got there nobody really knew what I was talking about — and the one person that they said ‘probably did’, had just left.

Oye… too little too late.

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Long story not short at all (are you seeing a trend here?…ya, me too), I ended up buying a new pot & some soil for a plant in-need waiting at home because it was convenient; My interview was at a garden shop that was, by the way, amaze-balls. My money-tree has been dying (no pun intended) to be re-potted for weeks. I’m a bad plant mommy. BUT I finally remembered to grab what I needed to give him a happy home.

I love crystals. I use them when I meditate and I studied doing chakra work with them last summer. But my passion for crystals began when I was younger, specifically with the amethyst in the far right of the photo. It’s late now & I need to get some rest, but I promise to tell you that story soon. It’s beautiful, and I learned a lesson I still live by today.

I mostly hope my baby tree loves his new home and that he is much happier now. I know it’s lame, but I believe if you give a plant the right kind of love it will love you right back. Dig deep often & give all living things a beautiful space to grow & your life might feel a little lighter.

Although I have let myself down at school this week, I am still glad I got busy with my plans instead of sulking. I’ve never understood why gardening is so theraputic until now… Sometimes when you’re feeling down, you should do just that: get on your knee’s, plunge those hard-working hands into the dirt and pull. Create. Plant. Give life by placing a tiny seed. I can’t promise anything, but I think you might feel better.


A Test

I’m going to try this. When I read this I thought, ‘Woa… 3 whole days?‘ Um YA what the hell Bailey you shithead stop beating yourself up. That’s me talking to myself, it’s fine. It’s time to love a little more and stop criticizing myself. There are enough people out there that have something to say about the way I should live, look, and act, I don’t need to join them. Also, can ‘being really good at eating’ be a quality? Because I am. I LOVE food. Especially bread, bread, bread. I don’t care. Let it go to my ass. So be it.

Ps. I know OPI’s ‘Shatter’ is the hot thing as of late, but I will forever be a glittery lover.