Getting Rid of Toxic People

“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” -Danielle Koepke

 

 

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Gentle Reminders

Last night I ran into someone pretty significant from my past. Seeing this person reminded me why I thank god everyday that I ended up not getting what I thought I deserved when they were in my life.

Sometimes all we need is a gentle reminder to reassure ourselves that we made the right choice, even when it was the hardest one to make.

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

xoxo, B

Down to the Last Drop

I stopped wearing my favorite perfume after I left him. I found out it had been discontinued and my bottle was running low. I thought to myself “save it for something special”. I couldn’t figure out just what that was, but I didn’t want it to go to waste on any old day, and that’s exactly how everyday had began to feel.

Weeks later I was still waiting for that “something special”. My best friend grabbed my wrist in excitement after I spritzed myself before we went out to breakfast and said “is that my favorite stuff?” she turned away and said “oh no” and continued getting ready.

The thing I realized right then is that as silly as it sounds to be so attached to a scent it still feels like a part of me, a part of my past. And when it’s gone, it’s gone… but that’s okay, because I will still be here when the perfume runs out. And so will the memories.

So life goes on even after our favorite scent no longer exists. We can’t wait for something fabulous to do a key thing we used to do for ourselves everyday. That’s the funny thing about women sometimes… We think we should sit and wait for the bus when really we need to slip on our comfiest flats and run after it before it drives away from us. Life’s too short to sit around waiting, smelling, and feeling like anything but ourselves. So I am done waiting for unmade plans, and I’m finally ready to use every last drop.

The Beauty Takes The Gold

After sharing the rant from hell I knew I just might regret, I read your comments & learned to breathe again. With the love & support of all of you I got through the hardest day Logan has thrown at me thus far. Those deep breathes resulted in this recent discovery: We can either break down or break through, and like one of my amazing readers said, we always, always have a choice. One of my readers whom I adore also commented on that post & gave me some food for thought…

“Sometimes I sit and watch the emotion unfold like I used to watch clouds form and unform until they passed from my living room window,” he said. “Doing that reduces the potency of the feeling but also helps clear your head and provide you sometimes with great insights. It seems at first a very zen thing or stoic but it will relax you and help. – just my two cents” Well, your two cents prevented this lil’ lady from losin’ my mind up in here. (Click the link, it will make more sense) Thank you Mr. Marymuthafuckingpoppins :)

Shortly after I spent some time unfolding, Leslie (Andys sister) invited me over to watch the Superbowl with their family. Such little things seem to get by without recognition, so I want to say thank you. I adore the Lundbergs & cherish the time I get to spend with them. Being with them brings me comfort that feels familiar to the kind I find with my own family, which is something my heart has been absolutely yearning for.

The lesson I learned in this mini-meltdown of mine is this: The on-going battle with my emotions was the root to a weed that can spread like a wild fire. But who am  I to choose what is a flower & what may be a weed? Despite the flaws in my situation I believe the beauty takes the gold. I did not see this at first, of course, but because of my readers, the Lundbergs and my loved ones I opened my eyes to what I have, not what I need.

It has been a little over a month since I loaded my car & made the trip that I had been waiting for for years. The transition scared the shit out of me… but I knew that I was on my way to a new home where I would grow & expand my ability to cope as a young woman in an old & very fast world. Consider this a big fat smooch & long hug from me. Some say strangers cannot make a difference, but I feel we have a connection, and all of you have indeed made a difference in my life… an unforgettable one.

Photos Via Pinterest 

All of my love, B.

I Still Love You…

Maybe when you watched the game today, you thought of me. After all, you were the one who planted the seed of love for the 49ers into this beautiful garden I call life. I still wear this perfume you gave me, but only on days where my heart feels stable & the weather says there isn’t any precipitation in the forecast. Deep down, I wonder if you read my blog still. Part of me hopes that you’re hanging onto the only way you can be a part of my life right now. Being humans, we make mistakes. I guess you could say we have both been acting like humans without any filters. Forgiveness is something I strongly believe in but still struggle with every single day. I hope that we can look past the bitterness & stop being stubborn… I understand that I am not always right (even when I am wrong), so I promise not to point fingers. We both still have so much to learn. I do hope that eventually, we can do the learning together. Until then, know that I still love you, & I am still crossing my fingers you do too.

Just to clear things up… This post is not about some secret man or ex-boyfriend in my life, it is about my father. My boss likes to say, ‘Never assume, because you will make an ass out of you & me’. Sorry for the misunderstanding… Thank you.

Where It All Began

Tonight, I’m really missing Isabelle…

But I’m back to the closest thing to ‘home’ with my incredible GG, and I get to snuggle the night away with Roxy for the first time in over a year. The past has many things I’d bring along with me if I could, but I know that everything happens for a reason and that it will all be okay. I’m finally accepting the fact that many things are meant to be embraced and then peacefully let go despite the urge to hold on. Heres to loving the now, appreciating the past, and moving forward to a new beginning. Sometimes you have to end up where it all began to feel like the chapter is truly ending. Goodnight my loves, sweet sleeps… XOXO

Keep On Singing My Song

This morning I was driving & listening to Christina Aguileras CD ‘Stripped’. I fell in love with it when it was first released and it has never lost its touch, it will be a favorite album of mine forever. Keep On Singing My Song‘ came on & out of nowhere I got the chills. I’ve listened to it more times then I can count & have had the lyrics memorized since I bought the CD years ago. The difference is this: Years ago I had no idea what it meant to experience something that could make you question your ability to move on. As we grow, we gain new experiences, some good, some bad. We are also confronted with more serious things to deal with. I am a strong believer that it’s not about what happens to you but how you react to it. Unfortunately, I struggle with practicing what I preach at times because I have had an extremely hard time letting some things go that have happened in the last year, and because of that, I have been unintentionally holding myself back. Instead of allowing myself to feel the emotions that come with any type of loss or defeat and then continuing with my life I have dwelled on the, ‘What if’s’ and ‘Why me’s?’. The fact is, it is easier to accept what you are presented with in life and grow from it as a strong individual then it is to sit and boil your positivity away in a pot full of negative thoughts. Everything happens for a reason and there is a lesson within every experience. So these lyrics really touched me and I have decided to make it my mantra…. Because for me, it fits. It gives me confidence that I can do whatever I set my mind to. It helps me check myself before I WRECK myself trying to live my life pleasing everyone else but MYSELF. It brings my individuality to mind and helps me live my life as nobody but my authentic self. It restores my faith… and it reminds me that ‘Every step I’m ’bout to take moves towards a better day’.  How’s that for a few fan-fuckin-tastic things that you get from just one single song?? I’ll take it. XOXO

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
And nobody’s gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothing’s been going my way lately
But I decided right here, an’ now, that my outlook’s gonna change
That’s why I’m gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I’ve cried
Everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feelin’ like they won’t let me live life
Take the time to look at what is mine

I see every blessing so clearly
And I thank God for what I got from above

Chorus:
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on (Carry on)
I’mma keep on (keep on) singin’ my song

(La, la, la, etc.)

I never wanna dwell on the pain again
There’s no use in relivin’ how I hurt back then
Rememberin’ too well the hell I felt when I was runnin’ out of faith
Every step I’m ’bout to take moves towards a better day
Cause I’m about to
Say farewell to every single lie
And all the fears I’ve held too long inside
Everytime I felt I couldn’t try
All the negativity inside

For too long, I’ve been strugglin’, couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feelin’ strong and I’m moving on

Chorus:
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on, (carry on)
I’mma keep on (keep on) singin’ my song

Every time I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally, so I ended up in misery
Was unable to see all the good around me
Wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Than simply just remembering to breathe
I’m humanly unable to please everyone at the same time
So now I find my peace of mind living one day at a time

In the end I answer to one god
Comes down to one love till I get to heaven above

I have made the decision
Never to give in
Till the I day I die no matter what
Im gonna carry on, I’mma keep on singin’ my song
(They can’t take anything from me)