Hold On

When I was 17 I saw Colbie Caillat in concert here in Salt Lake. That was an odd phase for me, and I stopped listening to her music shortly after. But tonight Kels told me to listen to her new song “Hold On”. And you know what? I plan on playing it loud n’ proud on my way to the gym. And work. And to school. And back home. Sometimes you just need a chick song to rock out to without feeling “dumb” about it. Girlfriend has stepped up her game since the whole “bubbly” situation.

Have a great day my loves!

XOXO

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Alone But Not Lonely

I remember being about 13 years old and going through pre-teen “funks”. I was (and still can be) a moody little shit. But I always knew what the solution was. I’d hurry home, play soccer until the sun went down, and then “redecorate” my bedroom. I would put in my favorite CD and go to town. Getting rid of things that no longer served a purpose and reflecting on the things that did (I was a weird kid). I’d always make my mom stay upstairs until I was done (which I’m sure she was thrilled about) and then reveal my “new and improved space” when I finished. I knew at a young age how much of an impact my personal space had on my mood.

With that little hobby came big dreams of having my own apartment. I imagined that it would have beautiful art, shelves full of books of poetry, romance, sorrow, and adventure…candles, music, plenty of plants, and soft pillows and large blankets. A place to relax and write, entertain the people I love, make memories, and dream . And I am incredibly blessed to say that my little shoe-box apartment is beginning to fit that description.

It’s been such a fun and rewarding process for me to make that dream into a reality. But like all good things it has taken time. I have added each piece that is in my home slowly, making sure that each object resonates with me some way or another.

A few months ago my aunt Carolyn told me that she wanted to buy me a piece of art for my home. I was so excited. But I’d been looking for a while and just couldn’t find anything that made me feel like I had to have it. Last weekend while my mom and aunt were out shopping they came across a piece at my favorite store, Dancing Cranes. They sent me a photo of it but I just wasn’t in the mindset at the time to make a decision about whether or not I wanted it.

For the past week I’ve been on my way home and thought about that piece as I drove past DC. Today all three of us went back to Dancing Cranes and it was still there. I guess that is how I knew that it was meant to be mine. I came home, hammered a nail into my paper-thin wall, and just stared at it. It’s perfect where it is.

The piece is called “You Found Me, Alone But Not Lonely.” It’s such an accurate symbol of where I am at in my life right now. The photo was taken in Bear Rive Migratory Bird Refuge.

You Found Me, Alone But Not Lonely.

I just finished reading Gabrielle Bernstein’s book “Spirit Junkie: A Radical Road to Self-Love and Miracles.” and it is now a new favorite of mine. So I decided to buy myself a new book to keep my reading flow going as well as a meditation pillow. I have been using a pillow from my bed or I’ve just sat on the floor while meditating, so I’m eager to have a comfortable place to gather my thoughts, pray, and meditate everyday.

The book I purchased is called “I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up For Education and Was Shot By The Taliban.”

I truly believe that Malala is our youngest and most powerful female voice right now and that she will continue to do incredible things throughout her life. Her book has truly moved me. I’ve made a promise to myself to only read it when I have time to really allow her words to sink in and sit with me. I start school next month and her story has changed my prospective on getting my education as a female. I strongly encourage you to purchase it for yourself and/or someone you love.

"I Am Malala"Meditation pillow

I hope that you have had a weekend full of the things that bring you inner peace and joy. It can be hard to find time for ourselves during the holidays, and some people look down on it. But I find it absolutely essential to find a balance between giving love to others and giving love to yourself in order to be happy and healthy.

All my love, Bailey Mikell 

 

It’s 11:59

It was August so I had my window open as I laid on my bed and journaled about whatever 18 year olds think about. I heard music and that was my que. I quickly hopped off my bed, grabbed a light sweater, my headlamp, and a blanket and headed out the door. 

I walked to the beginning of a trail and laid down. I was excited, and the stars reflected that little tinge of twinkle I was feeling. It was just me, the dirt, some crickets, and a distant Michael Franti. I absolutely love Franti and I spent a lot of my time finding happiness in his music that Summer. The words were hard to hear so I had to listen closely, but I didn’t mind. I stayed until the concert was over and then I walked back home. I was young and broke and unable to splurge on things like concert tickets. But I promised myself I’d see him there one day (and that I’d remember bug spray next time I went on a whim and laid in the dirt)

Last night I finally followed through with that promise. I went with my aunties, our friend Steph, and my friend Chris. Tickets were sold out but my aunt somehow tracked down tickets for us, and I have been waiting to see him for weeks! Franti put on an incredible show.. the night was honestly perfect. I drank too much wine and champagne and went for the last bite of cheese. We danced and sang and laughed at the dance moves we saw people come up with.

The moon was almost full and there was a light breeze, just like the night I listened from afar and dreamed of making it to that very spot someday. I ran into close friends and old friends. My first crush Patrick Brown and his beautiful girlfriend, Aly, were there. And my favorite newlyweds & soon to be parents, Mika & Chan, were also there. I squeezed the hand of each person I was with at least once. I’m a firm believer in “I love you” squeezes.

Michael talked about a couple of his songs prior to singing them which made the concert so intimate. He dedicated one song to a sick child he visited in the hospital the day of the show here in SLC. His genuine words gave me chills and my eyes welled up with tears. And when he discussed writing one of my favorite songs, “11:59” (click here to listen to it), on Valentines day I finally just allowed myself to truly be in that moment. I can’t remember feeling that full of love, life, and happiness.

There was an older lady who caught my eye right when we got there. She had beautiful silver hair and it was cut in the perfect Anna Wintour bob. She just smiled and danced with a glass of wine in her hand and her shoes off to the side. I told Chris I thought she was beautiful and he said “That’s you in 35 years.” and it made my day. When Franti came and sang right next to where we sitting she came and stood next to me. We were dancing away, barefoot and bronzed with a little liquid courage. I finally told her how lovely she was and that I hope to be like her someday. She smiled, and without a word she put her arm around me and we danced for a good 10 minutes together. I’ll never forget that.

And so as Summer slowly fades and Fall makes its grand entrance I can confidently say that I have fallen in love with life all over again. Sure, there have been hiccups along the way but that’s when you just hold your breath and wait it out (or hope someone scares the shit out of you like a good friend would so you can laugh about ti and move on)

Last night reminded me that as an adult you still have to follow through with the promises your teenage self made. Push for the thrills you once sought after. Run to the dreams you may find silly now, but felt so passionate about then. And most important, surround yourself with the people that you can celebrate love and life with. Tell that stranger they are beautiful and sip on wine from plastic cups. Because if you do it right you’ll look back and think to yourself “It just kept getting better.”

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Brand New Kind Of Free

I was 11 years old when Alicia Keys released her first album “Songs in A Minor”. A Womans Worth, Caged Bird, Fallin’ and Why Do I Feel So Sad were some of the first songs that truly spoke to me. A few years later I fell hard for When You Really Love Someone and Diary. Music was my outlet and she was my influence. Keys motivated me to find my self-worth, accept the love I deserve, and find strength at a young age. Her ability to express herself made me eager to learn how to do the same.

Recently she came out with an incredible song that helped me feel brave and empowered during a hard time in my life. I hope that you connect with the truth in this song like I have, and that one day you will find your new kind of “free”.

Enjoying the Tangible

[ now playing ‘momma’s music’ ]

Its pouring outside today & I can’t quite find the sun’s hiding spot in the sky. That’s okay, because I’ve decided to stop looking for what’s missing & begin enjoying the tangible. I love the rain because it forces me to seek the sunshine in my life. Cheers to you being one of the many beautiful rays that shine light in this life of mine! Wahoo! Thank you for being here. (if you care, I cheers’d with my cup of joe;)

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Last night I went to sleep next to my love in our brand new bed (my sweet Andy truly spoils me) and I woke up to the best news ever! After 14 weeks of pushing myself harder than I ever have at school I finally have results: I received my first A on an article!!! Many may laugh at this because A’s might be your average — but an ‘A’ to me means I’m finally getting it. I am LEARNING! My professor doesn’t give A’s often, so I am absolutely ecstatic. This is what I woke up to at 5:45 a.m.  “Wake up! Smell the coffee! Enjoy the ‘A’ you got on your week 12 paper!!!!”

Last night I told Kelsey how frustrated I was with myself and my performance at school — I’d be lying if I said giving up never crossed my mind. This ‘A’ has given me the confidence to fight through the last part of finals, or as Professor LaPlante calls it, ‘The Crucible’.

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Anyway, I just realized I need to stop blogging about it & be about it – I’ve got class in an hour!

To read my ‘A’ article go here 

All my love, Bee

Good Girls Don’t Grow On Trees

Alright, can I get a hell yeah for Cris Cab? He is my new favorite artist (besides Frank Ocean, of course) I’m still browsing through his music to make sure it’s love and not lust. Either way one thing’s for sure, I am definitely in full on ‘like’ with Cris Cab.

The opening lyrics to his song “Good Girls” is:

“Hey man, I’ve learned my lesson 
Got a good girl, count your blessings”

But what really stole my heart was this:

“good girls don’t grow on trees”

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Oh hi, I’m sold! I love that because it is so true. It is so hard to find a partner that can give & understand the unique love your heart desires. We are all different therefore we all need different types of love. Unfortunately honesty, respect, patience, trust and kindness are becoming less important; The definition of a “healthy relationship” is very misunderstood to the men & women of my generation. Many of us have forgotten what it really means to love and be loved. 

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I do know one thing — Any woman will tell you this: a good man is hard to find & even harder to keep. I’m sure of it, because my town has an abnormal amount of douche-bags-in-diesels and a lack of gentlemen (not that I’m looking, but they’re everywhere! it scares me. ) But it goes the same for men, because like Cris Cab says, good girls don’t grow on trees. We have to honor, cherish, and embrace the beautiful relationships and love we have in our lives. Surround yourself with people that make you feel excited — I can honestly say I have people in my life that make my stomach feel like a million fireflies are having a freaking fiesta in there. Absolutely electric. They encourage me to be the best woman I can be. Because of those people I believe in my dreams and I’m brave enough to do anything & everything in order to reach them. Those are the kind of people we all deserve to have in our lives.

At the end of the day this is my opinion, so as my grandmother says “take it, leave it, file it away, or never look at it again”. Alls I’m sayin’ is I encourage you to be picky about one thing: the type of love/people you choose to surround yourself with.

It can change your life.

Stay With You

Stay With You – John Legend

We’ve been together for a while now
We’re growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there’s no doubt
I will stay with you as each morning brings sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
On my love you can rely
And I’ll stay with you

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Oh I’ll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I’ll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we’ll be alright
I will stay with you