Success-crazed Confessions

Confession: I have been very caught up in my personal success since moving into my own place. My mind set has been warped into the unfortunate phase of “If I work harder I’ll make more, and then I’ll have nicer things and more interesting qualities. I’ll buy nice kitchen supplies and delicate rugs, I’ll turn my house into a home. My clothes will be lovely and my words will be sweet.”

And tonight it hit me: when did I decide that a woman in satin guaranteed a beautiful conversation? Or that a well decorated home would make the best memories? Does a degree increase the quality of my character, or simply add to my existence in the work place? These are the thoughts that I can’t help but analyze. And when I came across this quote I discovered my problem, and I suppose it is time to find the solution. I value hard work, success, and a respectable resume. But have I unintentionally started to value those things more than my self? I’d love to know what you do to stay grounded.

“We believe that if we had a bigger house, more expensive clothes, or more academic degrees, people would value us more. But success is a currency that is not accepted by the heart: you can’t buy love. Only people who are caught in the same misconception will bond with your accomplishment. Success-based relationships are parasitic, and they vanish when the fame, money, and power do.” -Martha Beck, life coach

 

 

Equinamity

I started my first blog in 2009 because I was a teenager who was about to burst with passion. I wanted a place where my words couldn’t ever be twisted, a place to call my own (rent free with my mommas cooking). My dying desire to create erased all fear of any ridicule or judgements that are often found during our teens. On January 26, 2011 I decided to stop drifting and begin a lifelong commitment to reality & making my dreams come true. I was ready for a new chapter.

After letting letting negativity consume me I was ready to take my inner strength back from unworthy experiences — & that was exactly what I did. I ran & lifted my way to the body I had prior to the depression, anxiety, injuries and insecurities. My self confidence improved but the real miracle was in my mind. My focus shifted from “woe is me” to “why not me?”. I changed my environment & surrounded myself with people who lifted me up versus knocking me down. I went to therapy multiple times a week & began creating (and rebuilding) healthy relationships. I had finally found my authentic self.

“When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.” -War & Peace 

On March 20, 2011 I started this blog. I did not have a vision about what I wanted it to be, I just knew that I needed to write. I needed to say goodbye to the young girl that wanted to be heard and hello to the woman who was dying to listen & committed to inspiring. What once was a creative outlet is now a way to tell my story while inspiring you to not wait another second to begin yours. I hope you begin now & never look back. Like Jonathan Winters said, “If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it.” Don’t wait to hit rock bottom to create yourself… life is an incredible thing to miss out on.

All my love, Bee

(click the image to be taken to Enlighten Education, a program that helps teenage girls decode the mixed messages they receive and help them develop self-esteem and confidence)

A Smooth Sea

I just learned the massive difference between asking for help and needing help. There shouldn’t be any shame in either situation. If you ask for help you are taking the first step to creating a solution. If you need help you are a bit closer to getting it once you acknowledge there is in fact a problem.

am

doing

things

that

scare 

the

shit

out

of 

me

every

single

day

I am capable. I am willing. I can do this. 

And you can, too. 

“A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.”

The Beauty Takes The Gold

After sharing the rant from hell I knew I just might regret, I read your comments & learned to breathe again. With the love & support of all of you I got through the hardest day Logan has thrown at me thus far. Those deep breathes resulted in this recent discovery: We can either break down or break through, and like one of my amazing readers said, we always, always have a choice. One of my readers whom I adore also commented on that post & gave me some food for thought…

“Sometimes I sit and watch the emotion unfold like I used to watch clouds form and unform until they passed from my living room window,” he said. “Doing that reduces the potency of the feeling but also helps clear your head and provide you sometimes with great insights. It seems at first a very zen thing or stoic but it will relax you and help. – just my two cents” Well, your two cents prevented this lil’ lady from losin’ my mind up in here. (Click the link, it will make more sense) Thank you Mr. Marymuthafuckingpoppins :)

Shortly after I spent some time unfolding, Leslie (Andys sister) invited me over to watch the Superbowl with their family. Such little things seem to get by without recognition, so I want to say thank you. I adore the Lundbergs & cherish the time I get to spend with them. Being with them brings me comfort that feels familiar to the kind I find with my own family, which is something my heart has been absolutely yearning for.

The lesson I learned in this mini-meltdown of mine is this: The on-going battle with my emotions was the root to a weed that can spread like a wild fire. But who am  I to choose what is a flower & what may be a weed? Despite the flaws in my situation I believe the beauty takes the gold. I did not see this at first, of course, but because of my readers, the Lundbergs and my loved ones I opened my eyes to what I have, not what I need.

It has been a little over a month since I loaded my car & made the trip that I had been waiting for for years. The transition scared the shit out of me… but I knew that I was on my way to a new home where I would grow & expand my ability to cope as a young woman in an old & very fast world. Consider this a big fat smooch & long hug from me. Some say strangers cannot make a difference, but I feel we have a connection, and all of you have indeed made a difference in my life… an unforgettable one.

Photos Via Pinterest 

All of my love, B.

My Love Has A Limit

It’s funny to me how many of us see relationships in black and white. Either you’re madly in love or ‘doing you‘. Doing you = The bitter version of saying you hate being single. So, in an attempt to forget you’re single you’re going to work yourself into the ground with things like college, work, fitness, and biting off way more then you can chew which usually results in a mental breakdown. Awesome.

But what about those who are in a relationship that has fallen into the comfortable stage? The stage where each partner could care less about ‘oohing and ahhing’. Where appreciation was dismissed shortly after ‘He got you’, & surprises & dates are a thing of the past. In my opinion, getting comfortable is dangerous. When you lose the butterflies you lack in passion, & could begin to resent your partner. Often people find fear in being alone, so they stay in a relationship that is bland & boring because they feel safe. But what about being happy? What about that can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t breathe kind of love we all dream about?

We all deserve to be adored. Even a sweet text can make me smile like a loser all day long. So why are you choosing to feel safe, when you can choose to be loved? And have you ever considered standing up, putting your finger in the air, and saying ‘My love has a limit’? One of my favorite songs lays it out there perfectly, it’s called ‘Breaking Point’.  I hope that the people in situations similar to this can see what they deserve & walk away from the unhealthy relationships they are in. Give yourself a little self-love, even if the person you are with chooses not to. After all, it is better to be single & happy then taken & miserable.

‘Now ladies, we really should be mad at ourselves
Cuz see, some women just tolerate way too damn much
Now I know we gotta choose our battles
But damn it, every woman gotta breaking point

If You’re Suffering From Low Self Esteem…

The best part of my day so far was seeing Roxy almost (ALMOST) pee when she saw me this morning because she was so happy to see me. Granted, she’s a dog. But damn, I can’t remember the last time someone was THAT happy to see me in nothing but my nightgown with zit cream on my face. If you’re suffering from low self esteem, stop bitching, and go adopt a dog. Have a fabulous Tuesday gorgeous!