You Will Be Stronger

You had me second guess myself so many times that I’d be surprised to find a single doubt within if you asked me to look today. You led me astray more times than I chose to count. I fell flat on my face but I didn’t ever give up. My phone bill teetered towards overage charges for the first time since high school; I sobbed to my mum so many times our plan couldn’t keep up, yet somehow she always did. It’s been since I said farewell to my childhood that my lips have trembled like they did during this month. I crumbled in situations that I’d usually be holding down.

___

And sometimes, if the stars aligned just right, I’d be at the end of a gut-wrenching day doing my best to catch my breath & I would suddenly find myself in an opulent moment. After letting those sporadic moments of bliss amongst blur confuse me for a while, I started using them as fuel: I knew if I consistently fought until I couldn’t anymore I’d start to see results. Slowly but surely, things began making sense.

April, I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but our 30 days of trial & error together splashed color on my white walls & infused a deep appreciation within. Thank you for kicking me in the ass even though I was usually still trying to get up from the last time. And, thank you for teaching me how to be strong even when I am alone. I reached out to my incredible loved ones a lot, to say the least, but whenever a new situation arose I had to learn to adjust (still learning how)

_______________________

I guess I’ve decided that a firm reality check isn’t always the sweetest cup of tea, but it sure does make a pretty little promise — that this too shall pass, and when it does, you will be stronger. 

All my love until we meet again next year, xoxo, your little warrior

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” (Sonnet XCVIII) -William Shakespeare

Advertisements

Decoration Devastation #1

Andy and I are so excited about our new tree!!…


But Roman obviously loves it more than both of us. He’s kind of out of control sometimes, which is normal for kittens.. but he has knocked down this poor tree at LEAST 5 times since we got it, ummm, an hour ago. I’m sure it’s going to live a long, good life in our house…

I love our crazy little Roman, and I love that we are making our townhouse into a home. Even if it is with weird palm-tree like things that I have no idea how to keep alive. 

Never felt so beautiful

After the sun discontinued it’s lovely light supply through our windows I decided to take a step outside. I stood on my porch barefoot with a naked face & a baggy t-shirt on. At that moment I realized I couldn’t recall the last time I felt so beautiful; Yet I had nothing to do with the beauty I was experiencing. Logan sunsets will do that to you.

A delicious day + a recipe to tag along

My morning has been close to perfect. I have decided that the only person who has the power to shape the way my day goes is me. I am the only one that can set the tone in my life. Plus I have a commitment to all of you: Provide inspiration, not soppy shit. So when I woke up early to make a quick trip to Salt Lake for an appointment but had to cancel (bad weather) I kept calm & called my docta. After that I educated myself about KONY2012, ordered my action pack, paid the bills & did some budgeting. I also talked to Jani on twitter because she always makes me happy. Here are some ways (click the text) to take control of your day that I think are fantastic.

Then Roman and I danced around the kitchen while I made brunch. Alright, Roman actually rolled around in the sun, but that’s helping in my world. I love seeing him so happy in his new home. I am doing my best to not post ridiculous amounts of photos of him because I know that EVERYBODY isn’t a cat whisperer like me… BUT I am teaching him to play fetch and had to post a video on youtube. Personally I think it’s hilarious because he drags his feather back to me while I blog (multi-tasking at its finest). If you want to watch it feel free by going here.

I’m fully aware that I’m a crazy cat woman & getting worse by the minute, no need to point out the obvious to me:)

While our brunch was divine (turkey bacon rocks my world), this one takes the cake… Shaved Butternut Squash & Caramelized Onion Pizza with Goat Cheese on whole wheat crust. I want to make this for dinner soon because it’s fairly healthy but packed with flavor. Click the photo to get the recipe.

I am off to bask in the sun while I enroll some high school dropouts. Thank you universe, for providing me with such a gorgeous day, I needed this. Now please go make everybody else’s day just as delicious. You deserve it, my loves. Smooches & squeezes, Bee

Lets Get Lifted

I’ve got something new for you
when it gets you wont know what to do
Relax, let me move you
dont resist its in the air
just one taste will take you there
let it flow right through you

Be free, xoxo

Off to walk Shilo in my cut offs and fedora. I’ll have a love affair with the sun while I’m at it.. It’s only natural.

Beauty and The Dirt

I went on a hike by myself today & it was so good. I walked out of the house in my underarmour pants, tennis shoes, and a hoodie ready to explore. Lately I’m a freak about how I look before I go out which isn’t like me at all. This is because I’m growing my hair out and it’s a really painful process. I worry about looking like a boy because I have a she-mullet kind of thing going on. So I’m usually rocking a turban/hat unless I feel like I have the she-mullet under control (which doesn’t happen too often). Anyway, I didn’t wear a stitch of makeup and I let my hair do it’s troll-y thang. And guess what? I felt just fine. So that was nice because being insecure is a gross feeling and we don’t need that now do we.

For some reason I woke up in a very care-free mood this morning… So when I realized how muddy it was on the path I took I didn’t really trip. Usually I would though because my shoes are white… You get the point, you’re not a dumbass. I don’t think. Anyway, I just walked along the muddy little path breathing heavily like an overweight german man that smokes cigs on the reg. So glad I quite smoking –  I am SO out of shape, jesus lord. I wasn’t quite sure where I was going but I knew it was going to be good. There wasn’t anyone around and I really liked that. The world is so busy and there is always so much going on, so it’s truly beautiful when you get the chance to just stop and breathe. I looked back at the valley and thought to myself, “There are thousands of people talking, but all I hear is the birds.” It gave me the chills. I experienced a moment of true bliss… I don’t quite know what else to say other then that. I won’t ever forget that moment though.

I was walking along and saw this flower in between some rocks. I love finding things like this because they inspire me. There weren’t any other flowers around except for this one – I could tell that it’s had a rough time during the recent storms but still continues to thrive despite it’s circumstances. It reminded me of all of us who carry on even when the situation we’re in isn’t always ideal. Maybe it’s odd, but this flower helped me feel optimistic about my life and the current obstacles I’m trying to surpass. This is what I mean when I say “don’t lose your color”. Even if everything around you feels dim and gray, you still have to push forward and shine on. There is beauty in everything, sometimes you just have to be the one to create it.

After walking for a while I saw the perfect spot. It looked like a meteor had hit the mountain, it was pretty random but caught my attention. There were lots of rocks and dirt but other then that the only thing that lived in this gaping hole in the mountain was a tree. It didn’t seem like anything until I hiked up and looked at it closer – I was amazed. From afar it seemed like an old lifeless tree, but up close there was an endless amount of gorgeous little flowers on each branch. This was similar to the purple flower that out-shined it’s environment. It blew my mind.

A few steps away there was a hill that I hiked up. There was just enough room for me to sit and meditate. I did this for thirty minutes and it was lovely. I was having a hard time clearing my thoughts at first but I did my breathing and finally became comfortable. A fly landed on my arm but I didn’t feel the need to shoo it away, so it just sat there with me for a minute. That is what peace feels like to me.  When I sat down it was kind of wet and there were holes that some kind of animal called home but I wasn’t too concerned. If a snake was going to bite me in the ass while meditating on this hill then oh well…. Shit happens. I sent a huge amount of love and energy out to my loves today on this hill… And I imagined you were all there with me enjoying that moment. I thought of Nicki Minajs song, “Moment 4 Life” and it applied to the situation minus the rap song part because I don’t think I could meditate to that song. Sorry Nicki.

The mud and I. Neat huh…. Hahah uhhh

I used to hate tying hoodies around my waist. When I was younger my mom would always make me do it. I thought it looked so dumb.  I’m past that now, clearly. I could really give a shit. I mean I’m sitting on a hill covered in mud. For all I know I could be sitting in deer shit.

So I headed back down and felt ready for whatever else the day had to offer. Unfortunately it was reading chapters 10, 11, 13, & 14 in my U.S Government & Politics book. My final is on May Third. I’m going to get an A in that damn class, the end. Don’t care what I have to do, but I’m going to do it. I don’t know how to do things half ass. I either do it, or I don’t. This applies to everything in my life. So that’s that. Cheers to breaking in my shoes and beauty in the dirt. I love you all…

xoxox, Bee