The Beauty Takes The Gold

After sharing the rant from hell I knew I just might regret, I read your comments & learned to breathe again. With the love & support of all of you I got through the hardest day Logan has thrown at me thus far. Those deep breathes resulted in this recent discovery: We can either break down or break through, and like one of my amazing readers said, we always, always have a choice. One of my readers whom I adore also commented on that post & gave me some food for thought…

“Sometimes I sit and watch the emotion unfold like I used to watch clouds form and unform until they passed from my living room window,” he said. “Doing that reduces the potency of the feeling but also helps clear your head and provide you sometimes with great insights. It seems at first a very zen thing or stoic but it will relax you and help. – just my two cents” Well, your two cents prevented this lil’ lady from losin’ my mind up in here. (Click the link, it will make more sense) Thank you Mr. Marymuthafuckingpoppins :)

Shortly after I spent some time unfolding, Leslie (Andys sister) invited me over to watch the Superbowl with their family. Such little things seem to get by without recognition, so I want to say thank you. I adore the Lundbergs & cherish the time I get to spend with them. Being with them brings me comfort that feels familiar to the kind I find with my own family, which is something my heart has been absolutely yearning for.

The lesson I learned in this mini-meltdown of mine is this: The on-going battle with my emotions was the root to a weed that can spread like a wild fire. But who am  I to choose what is a flower & what may be a weed? Despite the flaws in my situation I believe the beauty takes the gold. I did not see this at first, of course, but because of my readers, the Lundbergs and my loved ones I opened my eyes to what I have, not what I need.

It has been a little over a month since I loaded my car & made the trip that I had been waiting for for years. The transition scared the shit out of me… but I knew that I was on my way to a new home where I would grow & expand my ability to cope as a young woman in an old & very fast world. Consider this a big fat smooch & long hug from me. Some say strangers cannot make a difference, but I feel we have a connection, and all of you have indeed made a difference in my life… an unforgettable one.

Photos Via Pinterest 

All of my love, B.

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Confessions Of A Part Time Single Woman

It’s official, I’m homesick.

I thought that between school, work, and writing on my blog I wouldn’t get lonely… But I was wrong. Those things are not helping me avoid feeling lonely, they are overwhelming me and stressin’ a bitch out ok!

I was so excited to have our own place but Andy works all the time & it is so hard on me. We work opposite schedules & he comes home when I should be sleeping. Staying up late to spend 2 hours with him & having to wake up 4 hours later for work is a vicious cycle.

I love cooking big yummy dinners, watching football, and having a clean house – but not by myself all the time. What is the point of having everything you want when you don’t have anybody to really share it with? My family & friends are all in Salt Lake. They have been so supportive & have all spent hours on the phone with me, but it’s not the same. I miss my girls, my momma, my grandma, and my aunties. I wish I could have a day of hairapy with Kerry, a play date with Kelsey & Lincoln, and a wine & movie night with Lex. My license is being suspended for a 5 over ticket/too many points. That starts in 3 days & will be suspended for a month. Dear police officer, I don’t go anywhere but school & the grocery store please just leave me alone.

Today is Superbowl Sunday & I have spent it with family & friends since I was wee. But today is different. I slept in, woke up alone, and I am definitely still in my pajamas because I’ve been watching ‘Jerseylicious’ – What is my life coming to?! I feel ridiculous. I have wanted to see the movie ‘Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close’ so I looked up movie times to go see it today. Whoops, Logan doesn’t have it in theaters yet. Christ almighty I’m out of beer, good food, wine, garbage bags, and I am LONELY. This is not my cup of tea, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Feeling sorry for myself isn’t helping, I realize this, but jesus… I’m losing my sanity.

Oh and this dumb ass fish does nothing but shit in his tank and spazz out whenever I walk past his bowl. I AM NOT ENTERTAINED.

Pinterest, facebook, blogging, IG, tumblr, shoving candy in my mouth as fast as possible, playing dress up by myself like I’m 5, homework, and cleaning my house/fish bowl = Things that make me want to stick burning needles in my eyeballs because that’s all I do anymore.

So does anyone have any tips as to what I am supposed to do on days like this? I should be writing my interview questions because it is due tomorrow but I think I’ll just procrastinate like a normal college student.

Help a sista out here. Ps. I do not want to ‘go for a run’ – It smells like cow shit outside & I am bloated like a whale. I know, I just bitched for an entire blog post. No inspiration, no smiles, no jumping on the bed, nada. I am not handling this well. If you read this, well, bless your heart. Serious.

Love, the girl who has always said only boring people get bored.