Keys & Toes

Home from SLC just in time for a quick post before I run to the first of two workshops I’m writing about. Deadline is this evening and I feel like a headstand & typing with my toes would provide a more impressive article (considering my current brain power, or lack thereof)

Signs of deadline-fatigue are always a little bit weird.. No further explanation. I promise to be better about writing after things calm down.

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” -Charles Bukowski

It’s a blizzard outside but this video makes it feel like spring on the inside.

All my love, Bee

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The Beauty Takes The Gold

After sharing the rant from hell I knew I just might regret, I read your comments & learned to breathe again. With the love & support of all of you I got through the hardest day Logan has thrown at me thus far. Those deep breathes resulted in this recent discovery: We can either break down or break through, and like one of my amazing readers said, we always, always have a choice. One of my readers whom I adore also commented on that post & gave me some food for thought…

“Sometimes I sit and watch the emotion unfold like I used to watch clouds form and unform until they passed from my living room window,” he said. “Doing that reduces the potency of the feeling but also helps clear your head and provide you sometimes with great insights. It seems at first a very zen thing or stoic but it will relax you and help. – just my two cents” Well, your two cents prevented this lil’ lady from losin’ my mind up in here. (Click the link, it will make more sense) Thank you Mr. Marymuthafuckingpoppins :)

Shortly after I spent some time unfolding, Leslie (Andys sister) invited me over to watch the Superbowl with their family. Such little things seem to get by without recognition, so I want to say thank you. I adore the Lundbergs & cherish the time I get to spend with them. Being with them brings me comfort that feels familiar to the kind I find with my own family, which is something my heart has been absolutely yearning for.

The lesson I learned in this mini-meltdown of mine is this: The on-going battle with my emotions was the root to a weed that can spread like a wild fire. But who am  I to choose what is a flower & what may be a weed? Despite the flaws in my situation I believe the beauty takes the gold. I did not see this at first, of course, but because of my readers, the Lundbergs and my loved ones I opened my eyes to what I have, not what I need.

It has been a little over a month since I loaded my car & made the trip that I had been waiting for for years. The transition scared the shit out of me… but I knew that I was on my way to a new home where I would grow & expand my ability to cope as a young woman in an old & very fast world. Consider this a big fat smooch & long hug from me. Some say strangers cannot make a difference, but I feel we have a connection, and all of you have indeed made a difference in my life… an unforgettable one.

Photos Via Pinterest 

All of my love, B.

Authentic Self

I threw on a big ole’ sweater, leggings, cheetah socks and Lita’s – I was ready for school. Class was going great & I was learning a ton. I’m all about participating in class, but I was interrupted mid-sentence by my Professor. He looked at my feet as he tilted his head – ‘HOW do you walk in those things?’ he said. ‘Well..” I said, ‘I just do.‘ (Bravo on the reply, dumbass.)

Before I knew it the entire class was staring my shoes down. If I knew how to I’m sure I would have felt really awkward. I’m not sure if they were loving, hating, judging, or trying to understand. Either way, I wasn’t quite sure how to react. In a last attempt to explain I said ‘Well, they are boots, so you have ankle support….’  They still didn’t get it.

‘Those are not boots! Those are Pee Wee Herman shoes!” Before I knew it Professor LaPlante jumped onto his desk & danced across it on his toes. Aaaand it was hilarious. Matthew LaPlante is an official badass, if you weren’t already aware.

I may not know how to write flawlessly in AP Style but I can probably run faster then some people in my Litas. It won’t take me anywhere in life other then the front of a line at the mall, but if I’m going to fail I’m going to do it in style with a huge ass grin on my face. It feels good to be different when society pushes us all to be the same.

Cheers to stepping out in nothing but my authentic self today. Logan, meet Lita – Lita, meet Logan. We will meet again.

XOXO B.

Getting My Groove Back

If we ignore the 30 minutes I spent on campus trying to find my class (& the ‘almost’ tears, oh & the phone call to my mother) THEN we can absolutely say that my first day at Utah State was fantastic. I am so excited for this class. My professor actually challenges us as individuals instead of passing us & moving on when we don’t deserve it. I will have to work my ass off, but I feel I’m in the perfect place to do so. Maybe Universities aren’t so scary after all.

After class & some quick errands I came home and started a little project… I planned on spray painting a lamp of mine, and I also planned on it being quick & painless. Andy has work tonight, so instead of waiting for him to help me I took things into my own impatient little hands… Literally. If my project turns out the way I am planning it’s worth every little bit of the mess I made. These are the things I have wanted to do for years. I am so happy that I have my own home & creative space to do them in.

I took a soak in the tub (in attempt to get the paint off my hands) while I read The Hunger Games (book #2). I was not about to brush my hair, let alone put a blow dryer to it. So I gave my long lost curls a shot, and voila! I’m getting my groove back. By the way, my grandma always asks me to do my hair curly because she loves it, so all these curls are for you GG. I love and miss you

Anyway, I can’t stop thinking about the oreos downstairs in my pantry so I gotta go.

I love you dolls, have a beautiful evening. XOXO

No Room For ‘What If’s’

Plenty of change has come into my life in the last two weeks. We’ve reached the busiest time of the year in the office, which resulted in adding some new fabulous recruiters to the team to spread the work load out a little bit. Andy packed his things and moved to Logan to start a new chapter of his life, while I stayed here to continue mine. I’ve started classes at SLCC for the Fall semester, but decided to take a different route and do classes online. So that has left me with plenty of things to adjust to, to say the least. Even though work is busier I’ve found myself even happier. I still leave that office with a smile on my face. School is going good so far, I’m taking my first Communications class and feel like the book for class is far from a ‘textbook’. I’m eager to learn & grateful for the opportunity to do so while balancing my work schedule.

I’ve also decided that it’s time to take my health more seriously. I’ve started Herbalife and couldn’t be more excited to see how my body reacts to it. It is amazing for weight-loss, but that isn’t specifically what I’m doing it for. I’m more focused on making sure my body is getting the correct nutrients and a healthy balance of food. My odd eating & sleeping habits started effecting me in too many ways. Quitting smoking was the first thing on the list. I then decided to stop drinking coffee and go back to tea. I’m packing lunches for work instead of eating fried pickles (ha) and working out at least 3 times a week. Today is my first day so I’ll keep ya’all updated on how things are going.

Once again, I was amazed at how things in life work out. I was hired at American Academy the same day that Andy was offered a position in Logan. Ironic right? My emotions were all over the place, I literally went from tears of joy to tears from shock. I knew it was for the best, but I wasn’t thrilled about the fact that the man I love was moving 2 hours away. Call me selfish, but it was a hard pill to swallow. We made a decision together and saw that it was too good to pass up. So here I am in Small Lake City, holding it down my very best and having faith that it will all work out in the end. This is the test. If we can make it through the next month and a half we’ll be just fine. I still have mixed emotions about moving to Logan. I’ve lived in Salt Lake my entire life. It’s fair to say this is the biggest decision I have made in a long time. But, with all of that pushed aside, I am looking forward to starting my life with my best friend and creating a life of love, trust, and happiness. I can’t wait to go home to him everyday. It will be hard, but I don’t have a doubt in my mind that this is the very best decision for us.

I applied to Utah State even though the thought of a University scares the bejesus out of me. I realize it’s a silly thing to be scared of. But I don’t even feel like I know what’s going on at the Community College half of the time. Not kidding. It will be a big step but I guess I’m just going to put my big girl panties on and go for it.

Anyway, there’s your summary. I’ve been hesitant to write about moving to Logan because everyone has their own opinion on what’s right and what’s wrong. But one of my favorite songs by Rihanna puts it perfectly, ‘People gon’ talk whether you’re doin’ bad or good’. So I’m following this heart of mine and saying yes!! Yes to a new adventure and a beautiful fresh start. My life doesn’t have any room for ‘what if’s’. All I need is love. And that is just what I’ve been given… XOXO