The things I encourage you to do: #1

Smoke expensive cigars and invite Dean Martin to keep you company. Learn to salsa. Mambo all night. Walk barefoot to feel grounded and swim to places you’ll never completely touch. Call the family members that made distance taste so bitter for so long. Allow yourself to be sweet. Kiss the rugged man whose love is unavailable but has a smile that leaves a mark.

Jump in your car and drive to a handful of strangers for a weekend of adventure. Let your feet hang off the boat at midnight and howl at the full moon without feeling silly. Curl up in bed with your journal and tell your secrets, find comfort in them being safe there. Wear high heels and dance until your feet burn. Take the long way home from work, roll all the windows down, and blast your favorite song. Make mad passionate love, and do it often. Order an extra glass of pinot and have that last piece of cheese (you know you want it)

Eat tomatoes right off the plant and don’t take note of the small dirty spot. Slip into your favorite Summer dress and wear that lipstick you love just because. Take hikes on your own and marvel at mother natures gifts. Splurge on over-priced “organic” sandwiches and pellegrino every once in a while. And do all of this without having to give anyone in the world a single explanation.

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You Will Be Stronger

You had me second guess myself so many times that I’d be surprised to find a single doubt within if you asked me to look today. You led me astray more times than I chose to count. I fell flat on my face but I didn’t ever give up. My phone bill teetered towards overage charges for the first time since high school; I sobbed to my mum so many times our plan couldn’t keep up, yet somehow she always did. It’s been since I said farewell to my childhood that my lips have trembled like they did during this month. I crumbled in situations that I’d usually be holding down.

___

And sometimes, if the stars aligned just right, I’d be at the end of a gut-wrenching day doing my best to catch my breath & I would suddenly find myself in an opulent moment. After letting those sporadic moments of bliss amongst blur confuse me for a while, I started using them as fuel: I knew if I consistently fought until I couldn’t anymore I’d start to see results. Slowly but surely, things began making sense.

April, I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but our 30 days of trial & error together splashed color on my white walls & infused a deep appreciation within. Thank you for kicking me in the ass even though I was usually still trying to get up from the last time. And, thank you for teaching me how to be strong even when I am alone. I reached out to my incredible loved ones a lot, to say the least, but whenever a new situation arose I had to learn to adjust (still learning how)

_______________________

I guess I’ve decided that a firm reality check isn’t always the sweetest cup of tea, but it sure does make a pretty little promise — that this too shall pass, and when it does, you will be stronger. 

All my love until we meet again next year, xoxo, your little warrior

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” (Sonnet XCVIII) -William Shakespeare

Bollywood & Ass Cheeks

I don’t know if I am the only one that does this, I hope I’m not, but if I am can you just pretend I’m not so that I feel better?

Yesterday I thought I’d try & wear a cute little outfit on for school because I have been such a bum as of late. I had the perfect top and shoes but when I went to shimmy into my jeans my ass just didn’t quite fit. So that blew. But, I don’t quite understand women who are ashamed of their asses… I would be devastated if I lost mine. Anyway – Long story short I resorted to my cutest workout get up for school yesterday because my other clothes gave me muffin top or wouldn’t go above my thighs. No, I didn’t just get done with a hardcore workout – I wore my PJ’s at work all day & this is the only thing that fits. Whoops.

Today I had the most productive and positive day I have had for a while. I got all of the things that have been weighing me down done after work… and I squeezed in studying, a work out, cleaning the whole house, catching up with Andy with his boys and a bath. I was so excited to go to the gym here at our town-homes when I realized we had one (yes, we have lived here for over a month). I got in my other super cute workout outfit (I like stretchy pants) & drove to the gym. Unfortunately, my key card didn’t work for shit. I sat outside scanning a worthless piece of plastic until I decided to go home & find another route.

My next route was Comcast’s OnDemand Bollywood Dance Video. I honestly believe that if I submitted a video of me doing this dance workout it would be on tosh.o next week. I was having so much fun until I almost rolled my ankle doing the grapevine. They tell us to shake our hips, hug ourselves, let the waterfall of abundance shower us and skip like we are in a meadow or our yard. What the fuck? It was one of the best workouts I’ve had. I miraculously dodged cardiac arrest.

After that I cleaned the house while ‘Don’t Tell Me’ by Madonna blasted through the speakers. Even though I adore Madonna (and all her music until the 90’s ended) I don’t think she should have been dancing in fuck-me-pumps while she did squats combined with the spread eagle. The bitch could knock me out with her man arms BUT I think she needs to take it easy…She apparently tore her groin prior to the performance. Like girlfriend, that tore for a reason, take a break! Anyway, tomorrow I get to sleep in a little bit prior to work & then go to class. I have so much to do to in order to be where I would like/need to be for this course, so send your genius brain waves my way, loves.

If you have a shitty day tomorrow, just do a bollywood workout video you’ll feel the abundance all the way from your chest/shoulders to your left ass cheek. XOXO

Getting white girl crazy.

Confessions Of A Part Time Single Woman

It’s official, I’m homesick.

I thought that between school, work, and writing on my blog I wouldn’t get lonely… But I was wrong. Those things are not helping me avoid feeling lonely, they are overwhelming me and stressin’ a bitch out ok!

I was so excited to have our own place but Andy works all the time & it is so hard on me. We work opposite schedules & he comes home when I should be sleeping. Staying up late to spend 2 hours with him & having to wake up 4 hours later for work is a vicious cycle.

I love cooking big yummy dinners, watching football, and having a clean house – but not by myself all the time. What is the point of having everything you want when you don’t have anybody to really share it with? My family & friends are all in Salt Lake. They have been so supportive & have all spent hours on the phone with me, but it’s not the same. I miss my girls, my momma, my grandma, and my aunties. I wish I could have a day of hairapy with Kerry, a play date with Kelsey & Lincoln, and a wine & movie night with Lex. My license is being suspended for a 5 over ticket/too many points. That starts in 3 days & will be suspended for a month. Dear police officer, I don’t go anywhere but school & the grocery store please just leave me alone.

Today is Superbowl Sunday & I have spent it with family & friends since I was wee. But today is different. I slept in, woke up alone, and I am definitely still in my pajamas because I’ve been watching ‘Jerseylicious’ – What is my life coming to?! I feel ridiculous. I have wanted to see the movie ‘Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close’ so I looked up movie times to go see it today. Whoops, Logan doesn’t have it in theaters yet. Christ almighty I’m out of beer, good food, wine, garbage bags, and I am LONELY. This is not my cup of tea, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Feeling sorry for myself isn’t helping, I realize this, but jesus… I’m losing my sanity.

Oh and this dumb ass fish does nothing but shit in his tank and spazz out whenever I walk past his bowl. I AM NOT ENTERTAINED.

Pinterest, facebook, blogging, IG, tumblr, shoving candy in my mouth as fast as possible, playing dress up by myself like I’m 5, homework, and cleaning my house/fish bowl = Things that make me want to stick burning needles in my eyeballs because that’s all I do anymore.

So does anyone have any tips as to what I am supposed to do on days like this? I should be writing my interview questions because it is due tomorrow but I think I’ll just procrastinate like a normal college student.

Help a sista out here. Ps. I do not want to ‘go for a run’ – It smells like cow shit outside & I am bloated like a whale. I know, I just bitched for an entire blog post. No inspiration, no smiles, no jumping on the bed, nada. I am not handling this well. If you read this, well, bless your heart. Serious.

Love, the girl who has always said only boring people get bored.

I Swear I Don’t

Often when my eyeballs land on something beautiful I find myself frozen. That’s what happened yesterday on my way to my car with a full grocery cart at Walmart (yes, I’m ashamed…)

I was in my Pee Wee Herman shoes so I’m sure there were at least 4 cars that had to try really hard not to hit me. Sorry bout’ that guys – Just takin a quick shot with my iPhone because I am hipster as hell mmmkay? Don’t mind me.

Roasted garlic & brie = My comfort food.

I just really needed to have all of this to myself while I studied last night. My puzzle board is one of my favorite things in the world – So who else would have surprised me with it other then the best mum in the world?

Ps. I swear I don’t smell like shit all the time

XOXO

Needed: Girlfriends

These are the days when I miss my girlfriends – When I wish they were still just up the street & could come over on a whim. Sometimes crafts like this just aren’t the same without a glass of wine & your sissys. We’re trying to plan a little trip up here for them. If it works, this will be on the agenda.

Ps. wine really would be needed for me to be okay with RIPPING pages out of a book. Especially an old book, because they smell the best & feel so nice every time you turn the page. Yes, I do have a passion for books. Best things in the world.

Need:

  • old bookpages, drawings, maps, woodgrain contact paper, anything paper!
  • mod-podge & a brush
  • jars (make sure you can fit a candle inside them first) or hurricane glass

Step 1 – Rinse out your jars and remove labels. A good way to get labels off is to first fill the jars with hot water, let them soak a few minutes, and while the hot water is in the jar, just peel the label off. Brilliant.

Step 2 – Pick out your pages and glue them with mod-podge onto the jars.

(Here is a recipe for DIY modge podge)

Step 3 – Let your jars dry on wax paper for a few hours.

Step 4 – Do extra decorating if you like – tie ribbon or string around for a little more color!

Step 5 – Put candles in and you’re done. Put them around your house, or set them aside in a box for special occasions.

To read more from where this DIY idea came from, click on the photos to be linked to this great blog.

XOXO

Blackie-Chans Debut

Today in class I learned how to throw baseballs instead of softballs while I interview someone. I also learned how gorgeous it is everyday at 4:15 (right after class) from the parking garage. The perfect opportunity to take a picture of my favorite tree on our street arose, so I had to share. Then I came home & expressed my crazy craving for Olive Garden – So we went, of course. After dinner we went grocery shopping & swooped some essentials.

One of those essentials was our first pet, Blackie-Chan the fish. I adore him, and I adore my cute boyfriend for being just as excited as I am (or at least pretending to be). He’s such a good boy, he doesn’t even bark. We love him.

Then I dove into this months ‘O’  magazine & a full glass of vino. Oh, and expressed my ADHD on my nails, by removing yesterdays color & changing to this..

“Uh Oh Roll Down The Window’ Bottom Coat

Letters: ‘Did You ‘Ear About Van Gogh?’

I’m always for a little twist on holiday style. Valentines day is so soon, and I can’t wait to spend it with the love of my life. Sending you love tonight, readers. Thank you. Until next time, xoxo B