Equinamity

I started my first blog in 2009 because I was a teenager who was about to burst with passion. I wanted a place where my words couldn’t ever be twisted, a place to call my own (rent free with my mommas cooking). My dying desire to create erased all fear of any ridicule or judgements that are often found during our teens. On January 26, 2011 I decided to stop drifting and begin a lifelong commitment to reality & making my dreams come true. I was ready for a new chapter.

After letting letting negativity consume me I was ready to take my inner strength back from unworthy experiences — & that was exactly what I did. I ran & lifted my way to the body I had prior to the depression, anxiety, injuries and insecurities. My self confidence improved but the real miracle was in my mind. My focus shifted from “woe is me” to “why not me?”. I changed my environment & surrounded myself with people who lifted me up versus knocking me down. I went to therapy multiple times a week & began creating (and rebuilding) healthy relationships. I had finally found my authentic self.

“When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.” -War & Peace 

On March 20, 2011 I started this blog. I did not have a vision about what I wanted it to be, I just knew that I needed to write. I needed to say goodbye to the young girl that wanted to be heard and hello to the woman who was dying to listen & committed to inspiring. What once was a creative outlet is now a way to tell my story while inspiring you to not wait another second to begin yours. I hope you begin now & never look back. Like Jonathan Winters said, “If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it.” Don’t wait to hit rock bottom to create yourself… life is an incredible thing to miss out on.

All my love, Bee

(click the image to be taken to Enlighten Education, a program that helps teenage girls decode the mixed messages they receive and help them develop self-esteem and confidence)

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The Beauty Takes The Gold

After sharing the rant from hell I knew I just might regret, I read your comments & learned to breathe again. With the love & support of all of you I got through the hardest day Logan has thrown at me thus far. Those deep breathes resulted in this recent discovery: We can either break down or break through, and like one of my amazing readers said, we always, always have a choice. One of my readers whom I adore also commented on that post & gave me some food for thought…

“Sometimes I sit and watch the emotion unfold like I used to watch clouds form and unform until they passed from my living room window,” he said. “Doing that reduces the potency of the feeling but also helps clear your head and provide you sometimes with great insights. It seems at first a very zen thing or stoic but it will relax you and help. – just my two cents” Well, your two cents prevented this lil’ lady from losin’ my mind up in here. (Click the link, it will make more sense) Thank you Mr. Marymuthafuckingpoppins :)

Shortly after I spent some time unfolding, Leslie (Andys sister) invited me over to watch the Superbowl with their family. Such little things seem to get by without recognition, so I want to say thank you. I adore the Lundbergs & cherish the time I get to spend with them. Being with them brings me comfort that feels familiar to the kind I find with my own family, which is something my heart has been absolutely yearning for.

The lesson I learned in this mini-meltdown of mine is this: The on-going battle with my emotions was the root to a weed that can spread like a wild fire. But who am  I to choose what is a flower & what may be a weed? Despite the flaws in my situation I believe the beauty takes the gold. I did not see this at first, of course, but because of my readers, the Lundbergs and my loved ones I opened my eyes to what I have, not what I need.

It has been a little over a month since I loaded my car & made the trip that I had been waiting for for years. The transition scared the shit out of me… but I knew that I was on my way to a new home where I would grow & expand my ability to cope as a young woman in an old & very fast world. Consider this a big fat smooch & long hug from me. Some say strangers cannot make a difference, but I feel we have a connection, and all of you have indeed made a difference in my life… an unforgettable one.

Photos Via Pinterest 

All of my love, B.

Authentic Self

I threw on a big ole’ sweater, leggings, cheetah socks and Lita’s – I was ready for school. Class was going great & I was learning a ton. I’m all about participating in class, but I was interrupted mid-sentence by my Professor. He looked at my feet as he tilted his head – ‘HOW do you walk in those things?’ he said. ‘Well..” I said, ‘I just do.‘ (Bravo on the reply, dumbass.)

Before I knew it the entire class was staring my shoes down. If I knew how to I’m sure I would have felt really awkward. I’m not sure if they were loving, hating, judging, or trying to understand. Either way, I wasn’t quite sure how to react. In a last attempt to explain I said ‘Well, they are boots, so you have ankle support….’  They still didn’t get it.

‘Those are not boots! Those are Pee Wee Herman shoes!” Before I knew it Professor LaPlante jumped onto his desk & danced across it on his toes. Aaaand it was hilarious. Matthew LaPlante is an official badass, if you weren’t already aware.

I may not know how to write flawlessly in AP Style but I can probably run faster then some people in my Litas. It won’t take me anywhere in life other then the front of a line at the mall, but if I’m going to fail I’m going to do it in style with a huge ass grin on my face. It feels good to be different when society pushes us all to be the same.

Cheers to stepping out in nothing but my authentic self today. Logan, meet Lita – Lita, meet Logan. We will meet again.

XOXO B.

How Many Favorites Can A Girl Have?

I’m attempting (& failing) to squeeze in time to make my favorite blogs more accesible through CIC, but I am realizing that I just can’t be that patient. So until I get the new layout for CIC, here are some of the blogs I want to give a shout out to. You’re all truly talented & I genuinely enjoy following your blogs & seeing your creativity flourish in your everyday lives. I hope that all of my amazing readers take the time to drop them a line & see what they are all about. I plan on sharing my favorite blogs as often as I can (I have a ridiculous list in my bookmarks… r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s)

Keyboards ready….? Bookmark away, babes. XOXO

Sequins & Stripes

Meet Janeth

Strata Flora 

Miss Renaissance 

I am not a supermodel 

Musings of a Wanderer 

Girlscout Controversy

I don’t have the time, energy, nor desire to go into depth on this mind blowing video. All I have to say is this brizzle will be buying triple the girl scout cookies this year (not just because I want them ALL to myself…). We all pull our panties on one leg at a time, alright? If a little boy with lipgloss came to my front door and asked if I’d like some cookies I’d swoop him up in my arms and tell him to always stay true to himself. And then buy plenty of boxes for myself, family, and friends. Respect all walks of life…

Thank you

Please follow these links 1/2/3 to video responses to this video. I believe they do a beautiful job in covering both sides of the story, and can hopefully open many peoples eyes. However, these also made me cry… So if you are a softy like me then prepare to have snot all over your nose and red eyeballs. Just being honest my loves. XOXO

Take A Step Into My Office

Today I woke up in an awesome mood & I was ready to work. It’s been really busy, so my day through Instagram is the best you’re going to get. I have some studying to do and I need to run some errands as well. I hope you’re all having a beautiful Tuesday! It’s gorgeous here in Logan, has been all week. If I had a dog, I’d walk it (or even a cat… ya I’m ‘that girl’, don’t judge me) Anyway, check out this song that I can’t stop playing. Dance around your house, jump on the bed, live a little. Everyone is always so serious. All my love until next time, xoxo Bee

A zen kind of morning

Told you it was a nightmare! But it’s my nightmare, and I love it:)

Base color: Caffeine Fix by Sephora

Tips: Traffic-Stopper Copper by Sephora

Top Coat by OPI

You know you have a nail polish problem when you touch up your nails and want a new look an hour later..

Lists run my world. This weeks is not messing around.

I decided we should have something other then tonys pizza & beer for dinner (classy, I know). Tonight I made baked chicken, garlic potatoes, corn, and steamed carrotsl. I always have way too much meat leftover at dinner, and Andy can never have enough. We balance each others plates out perfectly.

I worked, napped (I know, I’m spoiled), did laundry, cooked a delicious dinner, completed my first assignment for class tomorrow, and am now ending the day with my best friend and love of my life. Can I get a hell ya? Or a ‘thank you universe’ is suffice ♥

Tomorrow… First day of school, cause’ momma didn’t raise no fool. XOXO

Ps. My mom is funnier then your mom